Cue Music

 

Imagine how much better life could be if, at just the right moment, music began playing-like it does in the movies.

If when you had to make an important point to your boss, your partner, your child, dramatic music began to play. If just when you told someone how beautiful they looked as you picked an eyelash from their cheek, romantic music began to swell. And what if every time you began to exercise, the opening notes of “Gonna Fly Now” or “Eye of the Tiger” filled the gym or the jogging path.

And what about the normal moments that everyone has, what if they had accompanying music to accentuate the action.

“Flight of the Bumblebee” plays as you wash and dry the dishes.

You’ve just been ripped a new one by your boss, you close his door and “Help” by the Beatles kicks in.

You wake up in the morning, open the laptop to read your email and the theme from “Mission/Impossible” plays.

You enter the bathroom, the low notes of also sprach zarathustra, commonly known as the theme from “2001 A Space Odyssey” begins. You pull your pants down and have a seat and the crescendo vibrates through the room right as the bomb drops.

That would make life interesting.

Leftovers

Sometimes you just gotta clean out the fridge. These are notes and thoughts that I’m not even sure how they’d make a full blog, but I thought they were funny.

I wonder what goes on outside of the cartoon frame.

In a primate study of mating habits, it turns out gorillas are faithful but chimpanzees are sluts.

Plastic surgery scares me. I mean, literally I have almost let out a gasp when I’ve turned the corner into a new aisle and seen some one who’s overdone it. So how can they look in the mirror and be glad they did it?

I want to be British. They have such cool words and phrases.

How did the first land transaction occur? Who decided they owned it?

I think that there should be a start time before you can begin swearing on your cell phone in public. I don’t think you should start out before 9:00am yelling expletives for everyone else to hear.

Does every guy (and maybe girl) secretly wish they were a rock star?

The power of the jingle is amazing. I can’t remember the names of every women I’ve dated but I remember the song behind every breakfast cereal.

The benefit of not realizing my dreams of being a magician on TV is eventually being a D list celebrity so desperate you have to pick the least embarrassing reality show.

Ok, the notes are clear, tomorrow starts fresh.

 

Water Cooler Talk 5-15-13

Weekly random thoughts. Since I’m self-employed it’s my version of water cooler talk: no one to talk to so it goes out to cyberspace.

Has anyone blamed the root of social anxiety disorder on teaching kids to play solitaire?

So Apple has got to be following Google Glass with their version of the contact lens browser. I mean, come on it’s already tailor made in their naming system- iSee.

“Now is the time.” “The time is now.” But I don’t have a watch!

7-11 has the Big Gulp, the Super Big Gulp and then the Double Gulp. I don’t understand the lack of following the normal fast food hierarchy. I think the Super should be larger than the Double. Then again, maybe I need a hobby.

They always talk about engines in terms of horse power. If an engine has, say 400hp, how did they ever get those 400 horses to race all at once in a straight line to test it?

In any university study on the search for extraterrestrials, did they ever set up a camera under a bed, constantly filming, to see if that whole monsters thing was possible?

It’s just like grade school, parents get no thanks for having perfect attendance in their kid’s lives, it’s only the ones that are absent that get the recognition.

Why does a pocket square look like a triangle?

If two people were meant to be together, wouldn’t they have been born conjoined twins?

 

 

Chivalry in the Modern Age

I’m always surprised when I open a door for a woman, a stranger, and they say “Wow, chivalry isn’t dead.” I must have a very confused look on my face because I wouldn’t think of any other action.

I was just taught that way. My mother said that my father called us “men” or “gentlemen” at a young age to encourage our behavior. Or brain wash us, I’m not sure about the right definition.

But that’s the way I’ve always been. It’s been interesting over the years dating wise, at different points I’ve dated women who didn’t want you to open the door and wanted to pay for half the meal. Which is fine, I don’t want to interfere with someone’s decision on feminism or women’s liberation. Then I’d have to understand it. But it does cause problems when the next person you go out with is the opposite and suddenly you’re caught off guard in a Buster Keaton bungling and ultimately painful move to get the door. Fortunately I love physical comedy, so it looks like I’m in on the joke.

But in these modern times as more is automated, it makes chivalry, or our presumed lack of it, more difficult. We can often push the remote unconsciously before getting to the door and suddenly we didn’t look like we intended to open the door. If you’re alone you do it way in advance and then it’s misinterpreted in the delay of action. Even “I was gonna get it…” can turn into an a-ha look because it’s just too late.

And so many doors are now automated to slide open. We’re not in practice! It’s like being a bachelor and eating take out every night and then suddenly living with someone and wanting to cook and stay in.

As gender roles and technology change so rapidly it isn’t as cut and dried as it might have once been. Please give us a break. We’re guys, we really only know how to work the remote.

The Real Anniversary

Friday marked a year for this blog, yesterday was Mother’s Day, but today is a real accomplishment-it’s the 52nd wedding anniversary of my folks.

Now I debated writing a blog lest they or you think that I don’t have time for a card and am just a lazy, cheap-skate. But it really hits at the center of this blog, which I’ll get to later.

But first of all –  they’re sick. I spend time there when I visit them in Chicago and they make me want to gag the way parents want to make teenagers gag when they’re all lovey-dovey. And they still do it. I have woken up early and sat there talking to my Dad and I don’t hear anything and he says “excuse me a second” and goes over to kiss my mom who is just coming down the stairs. Who does that?! They are respectful, courteous and make each other laugh all the time. Who does that?! And they look exactly like they looked in the wedding photo above.*

And I’m jealous. I still hope to find that person who I can be so comfortable and share so much and be in love with after 50+ years. In my case, we’re both going to have to be extreme health nuts cause we’re talking about living into the 100s.

So I wanted to pay tribute to two wonderful people that made me who I am and continue to inspire me with their wisdom, their kindness and their money. (Sorry guys it’s a comedy blog after all, had to go for the joke.) About a month ago Amy Poehler posted a video where she was talking about how we needed to fill our heads with some more good stuff. And she really inspired me about what I want to do with this blog. So I wanted to write about two people who are still together and want to be together when in the same week, a woman was convicted for killing her boyfriend. I want us all to talk more about the amazing people in our lives instead of simply reading about the a*#holes.

When I was looking for a title for this blog, I ended up with Amusingz because that’s the spelling that was available for a domain name. But I liked it. Because I wanted this to be about my observations and thoughts (musings,) be funny (amusing) and have it be about magic (amazing.) Because all though I do less magic performing wise, I still believe in magic. And my parents are amazing to me, I love making them laugh and I love watching two people that care about each other still care about each other so much. I love you guys!

*That’s not really them, silly. But since this was a surprise, I didn’t want to ask their permission and didn’t want to include a photo without asking. Everyone doesn’t like their picture displayed like us performers do.

I’d Like To Thank….

I have been given two awards from fellow bloggers that I really appreciate, and hate that I haven’t been able to get to them properly. Since that might still not happen for a week or so I’m going to go ahead and thank them because I want them to know how honored I am.

 

Amy of Sober and Skinny gave me the Very Inspiring Blogger award. She is doing some amazing things on her blog, helping people facing challenges by sharing her own. If I’m inspirational to her, that’s cool. Very cool.

 

And Kalabalu, which is just the funnest name to say, bestowed The Best Moment Award. Having been on stage for many years, I’ve always learned to treasure moments and I really find this humbling as well.

I have not done either award justice and if I was better at web design and not still taking hours to answer a question, I would attend to them immediately. But I will when I can take the time necessary but didn’t want another day to go by without expressing my gratitude.

The Modern Child

 

Having just passed the one year mark with my blog yesterday I got to thinking about kids. The above photo of me I used on my magician’s website with the caption “Destiny” since the pose and costume seemed to map out the future of an illusionist when in fact I was reaching for someone or something because I was tired of bouncing up and down next to that chair.

That was a simpler time. My mom probably didn’t freak out because I wasn’t walking by nine months. I have spent the majority of my adult life teaching or entertaining kids and I have watched the changes of expectations and demands placed on them. Up until the age of five, when we went to kindergarten, we had one thing on the agenda-playing. Now that’s not to say my mom and dad didn’t read to us, teach us numbers or letters, I in fact don’t remember; I remember the playing part. We even got time to play and nap in kindergarten. I don’t think that happens anymore.

I am amazed when I have done shows at Montessori schools to see what and how their learning. I just wonder if it’s too fast. When I was teaching gymnastics, a parent in the mom and tot’s class asked if I would write a letter of recommendation for her child’s pre-school entrance application. I was about 24, clueless as to what that would look like, and luckily spared because I was not high enough on the food chain and my name could not be connected with the school on a document like that. I don’t know if the director actually did it or now, but all I could think was what to write.

“When he says ‘chase me’ I do. And he runs.”

“His ability to connect laughing with being tickled is right on track with his development.”

“His (literal) grasp of the bar shows an advanced grip position and strong promise in his confidence and ability to problem solve.”

When I’ve heard my friends talk about their children’s schedules of soccer games and practices and extracurricular activities, I’m tired just listening. I don’t know if it will produce better children because they can run circles around most adults on the computer by the time they’re in first grade. The fact is that those kids that I taught in my early 20s are just now getting out of college and becoming part of the work force and society. As we well know, many people do not address emotional issues from their childhood until well into their adulthood when they can afford therapy and have finally reached a point where they can say they don’t approve of what their parents did.

So will that generation and the ones that follow that are getting even more technology and demands into their lives become amazing leaders, thinkers and doers? Or will one day will all of them collectively drop to the floor, on their stomachs, kicking their legs and beating their fists and crying like the little kids they never got to be?

I don’t know, but if it happens, I hope they want to read and laugh. I’ll be there.