Water Cooler Talk 11-26-14

Weekly random thoughts. Since I’m self-employed it’s my version of water cooler talk: no one to talk to so it goes out to cyberspace. 

I wonder if people should bury the turkey’s bones so their loved ones have a place to visit and grieve?

I’ll bet chickens are thankful that they are smaller and have a talent this time of year.

I think changing the name from Black Friday could go a long way to stopping any chaos.

I wonder what the Park Place and Boardwalk properties I bought in the 70s are worth in today’s economy?

If you drink two 5 Hour Energy drinks, it the amount doubled or squared?

There is very little difference in the words winner and wiener, and having seen the recipients of recent television awards shows, I see why.

The first Thanksgiving meal didn’t include mashed potatoes or bread stuffing, so since that’s the only thing I like I would have been screwed.

I still owe the high school football coach a push-up, I cheated on that one ’20’ I was supposed to give him.

 

 

A Conversation Between Angels CXII

“You know Stu, I miss the smell of peanut shells on the floor.”

“Not to mention the crunch.”

“No I’m serious, I miss smells. Pizza, burgers.”

“I hear ya.”

“And this week means another Thanksgiving where I don’t get the smell of turkey, mashed potatoes…I miss the smells.”

“We’ve been friends since we were six years old, and you know what, if I could fart right now so you’d have something to smell I would.”

Man vs Tech: 27th Time’s a Charm

I haven’t spent enough time in other cities besides Chicago and I don’t remember them in that city, but here in Southern California we have the little button you press to let it be known that a pedestrian would like to cross at an intersection with a traffic light and they’d like to do it without being killed. That’s not the subject of the blog, that’s its own. This blog was inspired by my observation yesterday that people press it a gazillion times hoping that will make the light change sooner.

button

Ok, not really a gazillion but it’s a funny word. Not even 27 like the title says, but again that’s a funnier number than say 8, which is in fact the real amount. People will also press the button after they’ve seen you press it, as if their fingerprint had the magic touch. I’ve had hispanic women press it after me and think to myself, “maybe they think it’s a language thing and they are more powerful in Los Angeles after all?”

Kids do press it a gazillion times, but they’re kids and I excuse them because they’re kids. But we don’t give it up as adults. And it’s not just these buttons. We used to do it with the old landline phones that hung on the wall, clicking repeatedly in the hopes that would get the dial tone faster. We press return again and again when our computers don’t respond quick enough for our needs. And we use it endless in the attempt to “send, send, SEND.”

We have at our disposal the most amazing, fastest, farthest reaching technology and we’re still not satisfied. The other day when I walked to the post office a compact bodybuilder slammed at the traffic light button with such force, at least five times, to get it to change quicker. I thought maybe I’d actually see someone accomplish what so many try be sheer power but man’s muscles can’t overcome technology. Neither can his brain. We need to work with it. They’ll get the text in time.

 

Water Cooler Talk 11-19-14

Weekly random thoughts. Since I’m self-employed it’s my version of water cooler talk: no one to talk to so it goes out to cyberspace. 

How come no one ever does a selfie caricature?

I would never expect a young woman named Penelope to have a tramp stamp.

I wonder if goats wish they had a Yelp for the best garbage reviews?

I’ll bet if you walked a cow through the grocery store, past the milk, butter, cheese and then ice cream, it would stop there and think “now that I can understand.”

If trees have to go through the whole phase of ‘dying’ each winter, they must be thinking “hey, maybe throw on a blanket?”

I hope the GI Joe’s I had as a kid are getting their veteran’s benefits.

I’ll bet around this time of year reindeers really wish they didn’t know how to fly.