“Sal what are you looking for?”
“A laptop. You said there’s no TV.”
“There’s no laptops either.”
“Well then someone’s gotta have an iPhone?”
“Sal, there’s no devices of any kind, that was a product of the physical world.”
“So you’re saying this is paradise and I can’t watch football on Sunday?”
“No I’m afraid not.”
“Well this place really needs to take a look at its amenities package. I don’t know if it’s saying much when the Hilton has more to offer than Heaven.”
The Perfect Utensil for the Meat Lover
The first two parts proved to be pretty popular, so I wanted to do another version of the New Identities because I encountered specialized types of people I’ve encountered commuting on the bus as I did today…
The Blocker sits in the aisle seat when the bus is already crowded. Now I know from observing this type of commuter in multiple situations and routes, they are not going to be getting off soon. Their goal is to attempt to thwart anyone from sitting next to them by making it a difficult task for someone to “crawl” over them and they put a backpack or shopping bags on the seat next to them. They also know that a lot of people that ride the bus are not necessarily social butterflies and will shrink at the idea of asking someone to let them get by.
The Tourist is in fact, not from another city, but an individual that has to talk to the bus driver, standing just behind the line they are not allowed to cross, and run on incessantly about their day. They also try to engage pretty much any passenger that will give them the “in.” I think they’re very lonely and I do feel sorry for them that they have no one to talk to, and I try to politely point to my earphones that I can not hear them.
It is amazing and amusing to me how many people board public transportation selling things. On this particular day I found it very funny that two people got on selling chocolate bars in the 93 degree heat. Hmm, let me at it! I guess the logic is that the people are captured, tired, hungry and they’re gonna bite (literally.) But especially yesterday, cold water made more sense, know your audience. More power to the entrepreneur, but it seems to me that many riding the bus do not have a lot of disposable income.
The Bench Warmer
Ya gotta love the drunks that sit at the bus stop. They don’t actually get on the bus, they just find it a convenient place where people might have change. They sit with 40 ounce cans in a paper sack and sing and rant on to everyone and no one. Now I do not want to make fun of anyone with mental health issues, I’m talking about the folks that have chosen this as part of they lifestyle. This is their place to party.
More power to the different types of folks, I’m sure they have things to say about me.
Weekly random thoughts. Since I’m self-employed it’s my version of water cooler talk: no one to talk to so it goes out to cyberspace.
I wonder if from a squirrel’s perspective, we move really slow?
With all the technology they show in Willy Wonka, why can’t they make gum that dissolves when it hits the pavement or sidewalk? That is what those black stains are right?
I wonder if pancakes are jealous of waffles because the construction allows for more syrup to soak in? I mean every living thing likes sugar right?
Right about now, your average elf has got to be going “ugh.”
I wonder if snap dragons are mad that they can’t breathe fire?
I’m convinced that I can’t float as well as I did when I was a kid because I stopped eating Cheerios before I was 20.
Lately I’ve had such a hankering for shrimp. Not the edible kind, I just want really small people to hang out with me so I feel tall.
I’ll bet surfers prefer to eat at the counter on a stool that swivels.
I’ll bet eyeballs wish they were on the outside so they could see more.
I spent most of my life in a cold climate, but after the last few years living in Souther California I have become aware of a strange phenomenon..the inability of older males to cut their toenails.
I admit that I may have a slight obsession. Not with looking at the gnarly, curled, disgustingly unkempt digits that they so unabashedly display, but with my own need to keep mine intact. I performed sleight-of-hand for 40 years, so although I do not presently engage in the magical arts, I am still hyper-aware of the length of my fingernails and it became a regular procedure to check the toes.
So it could be that these men just don’t look? I mean, you can slip on a pair of flip flops without looking down, so perhaps it’s just been a month or so since they actually sat and slipped on a sock or shoe therefore putting the foot in their vision.
Or maybe it’s a sign of virility? I understand that certain cultures view male “scent” as a sign of masculinity but I always just figured they wanted to pretend they were still in college and it was cool to be dirty and smelly.
There are two things that really escape my understanding. One, don’t they just break off causing pain and discomfort? Because I’m not talking about a matter of they should have clipped a few days ago, these guys are in the talon stage. Some I’ve seen look as if the nail, especially of the big toe, is curled over the front of the flip flop and is probably scraping the pavement.
Second, and even more baffling, is that these men seem to be married. Don’t their wives have anything to say? Have both parties just given up and never want their legs to come together again. because it sure seems like sex would cause injury?
All I can say is, Dudes, it is disgusting. Nobody likes it.
But then again, why am I looking?