Water Cooler Talk 10-29-14 Halloween Edition

Weekly random thoughts. Since I’m self-employed it’s my version of water cooler talk—no one to talk to so it goes out to cyberspace. 

Would they charge extra for a werewolf at Super Cuts?

Why didn’t Frankenstein need to be re-charged—there’s your energy solution.

Always heard of Witches Brew but never saw it in one liquor store or bar.

If Dracula had wives and they split who gets custody of Renfield?

How much could it benefit the environment (by eliminating litter) if the people that gave out “healthy” treats realized it was b.s.?

Do pumpkins wish people would carve out a future for them?

I wonder why more people don’t dress up like politicians, they’re very scary.

Still never seen an apple with a razor blade in it.

I was a professional magician for over twenty years and never once did a kid want to pick a card instead of have a Snickers.

 

 

 

 

New Halloween Knock-Knock Jokes*

Knock Knock.

Who’s there?

Bat.

Bat Who?

Bat-cha thought this was gonna be scary.

 

Knock Knock.

Who’s there?

Boo.

Boo Who?

Boo-tiful day ain’t it?

 

Knock Knock.

Who’s there?

Werewolf.

Werewolf Who?

Therewolf.

 

Knock Knock.

Who’s there?

Trick or Treat.

Trick or Treat Who?

No, give me some candy!

 

*I said new ones, I didn’t say they’d be funny.

 

 

 

A Conversation Between Angels CVIII

“Hello and welcome to the Newcomer’s Group. We realize that this is your first experience with the Holiday season and with Halloween just around the corner we wanted to address any of your questions.”

“Will we be wearing costumes?”

“No, I’m sorry, there is our basic dress code all the time.”

“How about candy?”

“No, we have to adhere to our healthy diet here.”

“So how are we supposed to have any fun, what about being scared?”

“Well we can send you to that other place but I’m afraid that’s a permanent move.”

The One Thing Apple Gets Wrong

apple_punch

Recently Apple computers reported record sales of their new iPhone 6 but also made a dramatic gain in the laptop computer market, and the reporter commented on how that was probably due to the increase in college students buying Mac over PC. And why not?  Around this time of year there are ads where college students can get a discount or a free iTunes gift certificate (depending on the year or offer) with their purchase. But what about those of us also starting something new? What about us loyal Apple consumers?  Where’s our bonus?

I started a new life when I started a new business two years ago. Why is that any different than a college student, heck at least I won’t be drinking and spilling on the keyboard.

Fancy bagel places have punch cards, fancy coffee places reward their frequent drinkers, how about us frequent bloggers, programmers, artists and social media nuts? I have had four laptops, two iMacs, there iPods and two iPhones. Then of course there’s additional hard drives, accessories, software and One on One Memberships. Where’s my love Apple?

It seems that you buy four, you get the fifth one free. Now I’m not greedy, I’ll leave it up to them as to what’s free—but let’s be sure it’s a device of some kind. I don’t think some bejeweled iPhone case is gonna reward my loyalty and devotion.

Now don’t get me wrong Mr. Cook, I’m a big Apple fan. I want you to know that I have and always will endorse your products. And I will gladly retract this blog if you found it offensive, upon receipt of my new Macbook Pro, as well as write a glowing review. Long Live Mac!

Water Cooler Talk 10-22-14

Weekly random thoughts. Since I’m self-employed it’s my version of water cooler talk: no one to talk to so it goes out to cyberspace. 

There’s long and short, why isn’t there any medium division?

I wonder how often penguins want to change into sweats?

All over the country people are telling themselves that they’re not going to buy any more candy until next week so they don’t eat it too soon. Again.

If you really made a mountain out of a mole hill wouldn’t the poor moles be squished?

If we didn’t have calendars would you wake up excited thinking it was the weekend?

I painted a mural of trees on my wall so it would always look like I was camping, but then it back-fired on my because it turned out I didn’t have the ingredients to make smores.

I wonder if catfish resent the relation to the finicky felines?

Do they make aspirins for woodpeckers?