Water Cooler Talk 12-17-14

Weekly random thoughts. Since I’m self-employed it’s my version of water cooler talk: no one to talk to so it goes out to cyberspace. 

Does Rudolph have brights?

I wonder if hummingbirds wish sometimes they could just fly in quiet?

Bologna is the misfit toy of the Holiday meats this time of year.

I’ve heard the saying ‘time marches on,’ but why can’t it just stand in one place and move its legs up and down while I catch up?

I was bored so I switched the 60 watt bulbs in my apartment for the 120 watt ones and now my living room feels like a Dicken’s novel and my bathroom is a funhouse of wrinkles, nose hair and chapped lips I hadn’t noticed.

I wonder if hot pockets find themselves gross as well and hate to touch each other?

My slinky just got here from 1970.

It has finally aged just right and I an opened up that pitcher of lemonade that I saved from the stand forty years ago.

 

 

 

 

 

Superheroes Subbing for Santa

iron-man

The recent rash of movies released by Marvel has brought the super heroes back into our lives and they save damsels in distress, small children, and cats in trees. But why not save the guy who’s out traversing the entire world in one night and bringing joy to all its children? Why not fill in for Santa?

Now one might say that these guys are pretty bulky and can’t get down a chimney, but let’s face it that little old man in the red suit has got a belly as big as their shoulders. And why not work in teams so for instance the Hulk does the heavy lifting with all the sacks and tosses them to Spiderman who slinks down with the goodies?

Considering the man power, strength, concentration and pure speed, I say they’re done in two hours tops! They get to really help out a nice guy so it’s a rest for them from dealing with the villain. And a really nice guy who has been doing this for years, get’s a night off.

Pros:

Iron Man, Super Man, and probably Thor can top the speed of the reindeer.

Usually very quick on their feet to react to any unforeseen circumstances.

They don’t sleep anyways.

They really never seem to eat much so cookies are good.

And being wholesome I’m sure they love milk (except for maybe Iron Man.)

Cons:

There are none!

Ok, how do we cal them? I only know of the Bat phone for communication and I think that guy might be a bad choice, he’d skew a little too much towards the naughty.

 

 

A Conversation Between Angels CXX

“Hello, I’m Peter.”

“Bob.”

“Yes I know.”

“Right. So you’re St. Peter?”

“Here it’s just Peter. So we have set you up. Two bedroom suite.”

“Great.”

“Jacuzzi I assume.”

“Yes, fantastic.”

“And of course we have several women ready for you. Blonde, brunette, redhead.”

“This is really heaven! I’m getting all these things?!”

“No. Not really. Sorry I couldn’t resist, I rarely get to joke around.”

“Some saint.”

Jesus Christ: Two Time Loser?

jesus

I mean no blasphemy whatsoever, I am a big fan of Jesus Christ’s teachings. I just started to think about Christmas and the celebration of Jesus’ birth which most concede was not December 25— that guy could not catch a break!

He is the original looked over child. Researchers disagree on the actual birth date, but all evidence of my investigation (one page of Goole links) proves that they all agree it wasn’t what we now consider Christmas and he was just lumped into the winter solstice and Saturnalia festival. Wow! I know kids are mad at their parents when they get gipped out of gifts because their birthday falls too close to Christmas, but this guy’s dad let them change the date so it was more convenient.

Ouch. That’s gotta hurt. And now that we mention hurt, he had to go through that whole cross thing and then this? I mean, if they needed to change the date to accommodate something, or they just thought snow was pretty, then fine. But come up with a special date for the guy, don’t lump it in with another holiday. Heck we give kids stuff because they lose a tooth, I would think he could get his own day for dying for our sins.

And think about it, not even in Heaven does he get the attention he deserves. If the movie It’s a Wonderful Life or A Christmas Carol is to be believed, all the rest of the angels are busy doing angel stuff, rescuing lost souls and trying to right mean people. And come on, if the whole Santa Claus thing is mapped out, I think there’s a lot of divine intervention involved in making that whole toy delivery system happen.

And there’s Jesus, probably sitting in his room in an IKEA version of the manger with too many lights on it. Doodling pictures of God with a slash through him and writing things like “The Almighty doesn’t love me” and “Never mind forsaken, how about forgotten?” Or maybe just playing with a yo-yo because he believes in simple things.

We need to think of him, what he stood for, and not all the trappings. The guy had some good ideas, he deserves our respect and attention.