The Facts Are These: I’m Broke

I’m broke for the first time in my adult life. I started working when I was 16 and had good jobs then made a living as a professional comedian/magician for 25 years; I was very fortunate. I’m not going to complain, everybody’s broke and I have some amazing parents that have really helped.

But I want to tell you the funny stuff.

Yesterday I dug my coffee cup out of the garbage at the laundromat. Very carefully wiped any lint or dryer sheet residue. Fortunately it was on the top. You see, 7-11 refills are half the amount, so I work that cup until the paper is bent and won’t hold the lid. Absurd, I know, cause that’s when it spills out between the lid and the disintegrating cup and then I have to do more laundry. Which costs money.

Did you know that Starbuck’s is really expensive? I can get vegetables to make enough juice for three days for the price of a soy latte. But, I am a fancy pants, so I would never just get the drip. Well I used to be a fancy pants when I never thought twice about how much it cost, now I resort to the aforementioned 7-11 four coffees for the price of two.

Did you know that grocery stores have things on sale all the time? I didn’t. Again, never paid attention. Just went straight for the brands I liked, and being raised on colorful characters and packaging, it was about looks for me. No longer, generic is the way to go! Turns out it’s the same thing inside, it’s just the ugly stepsister outside.

I get inordinately upset with the homeless, because I, in fact, can’t spare any change.

Did you know that pennies and nickels can be used to buy stuff? I used to always collect them until I had a big jar full. I didn’t realize they could be used on a daily basis.

I’m too old to sell sperm. Man.

Jack in the Box tacos are 2 for 99 cents! I’m little, that’s a whole meal. And in my current economic status, a real treat. They used to have a jingle that said “take life a little easier” and sometimes they just make it so.