I would stop every obese person walking into a restaurant and tell them to order a salad.
I would give every teenage boy who wears their pants too low a huge wedgie.
I would trip every guy who wore his gym shoes untied, just so he’d tie them. Especially anyone over the age of twelve.
I would take all the video games away from the baby mamas on the train and give them to their children where they belong.
I would flip off all the guys that gel their hair and make it look like it’s flipping me off, cause they’re being mean because I’m bald and can’t do that.
I would walk around the campuses of Harvard and Oxford and talk to myself out loud, ending each sentence with a preposition.
I would pretend someone was calling me and then talk really loud on my cell phone inches away from the face of the person that was doing it already.
I would poop on the shoes of the people that don’t pick up their dog’s waste.
I would stop every woman who was about to buy make-up and tell them they look more beautiful without it.
Ah, there’s the problem. I’m not mean, just think that way sometimes. I could do none of the above, although I’m going to build up the guts to do the last one.