How to Celebrate Labor Day

Labor Day was first thought of in 1882 by either Matthew Maguire of the Central Labor Union or Pete J. McGuire of the American Federation of Labor. Like all great things, it starts with two sides fighting. But that’s the end of the information about how it started on Wikipedia. It doesn’t really say what either gentleman proposed. So I say we do what seems only natural to celebrate this day: nothing!

We’re a society of opposites so it only seems right. We celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, who sacrificed his life and lived as a pauper trying to spread the word of God, by spending more money than we have and getting ridiculously fat and drunk. We celebrate Easter when Christ rose from the dead by killing a turkey. Well I guess that’s more Thanksgiving where we celebrate what was an attempt at peace between the incoming and the soon to be outgoing by eating said Turkey. Maybe that one wasn’t so opposite considering the eventuality of what happened with the Indians. But they are making it back on the casinos.

So Labor Day, to celebrate the economic and social contributions of the workers, should run opposite as well. Currently there are two things that happen: big sales on appliances and furniture and fairs in every town imaginable. That’s not right. We should not be spending our money today and we should not be sociable.

Nope. We should lay on the couch and do nothing. Not spend any money. Not talk to anyone. Just sit and watch TV. Wait that’s putting money in the cable company’s coiffures. (Woo, big word for a Monday, and a Holiday) Ok, we should just lay there. Not talk to anyone, not speak. Just get in touch with the real person that lives inside. Not the person that is defined by a “job.” No, the invisible spirit that we all share. What better Union is there than the invisible power that we are all made of? Let’s discover that as one and we can really make a change in our cities, our countries, our Universe.

Ah screw it, I want a funnel cake.