A Conversations Between Angels XVI

“What are you looking at?”

“The map.”

“Map.”

“Yeah, the map of Heaven.”

“I didn’t know they had that.”

“Yeah, it’s in the gift shop.”

“And what are you looking for?”

“Hell.”

“Why would they have Hell on a map of Heaven?”

“Well you know, like those mall directories that show ‘you are here’, I thought maybe they’d show you where Hell is.”

“But those things show you what’s in the mall, Hell is not in Heaven.”

“And you know this for a fact? I thought maybe it was like a room for detention like in school.”

“No, I’m pretty sure it’s a whole ‘nother place, you boob.”

“Then how do you explain how there’s people here, from History, that have been called evil?”

“Like who?”

“Look at that guy over there. He shaved his mustache, but that still looks like Hitler to me.”

“????”

“See, can’t answer?”

“Well not completely, but everything is white up here.”

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Rowan Atkinson

For fans of my religious humor, this is so good (done by someone else.)

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The Married Messiah

(Karen L. King – (C) KAREN L. KING 2012) http://www.washingtonpost.com

In case you’ve missed it, a papyrus fragment from the fourth century was discovered whose text has Jesus referring to “my wife.” When I saw this on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart they played a clip from Fox News where the commentator said “lucky lady.” Let’s examine that shall we?

You’re Going Out Again?

Sure he could fix things, one would think, but once he started preaching was he ever home again? I mean the dude probably traveled more than a CEO of a corporate conglomerate. Even if he was just “gone for the day”, he could not time his miracles nor the exact walking time so I’m sure he came home to cold leftovers and a wife that had long gone to bed. If he was indeed married, there was no way they ever had kids.

And when he was there, was he “really there?” First off, I’m thinking it was hard for her to get a word in edgewise. He not only had to regale her with the activities of the preaching but had to work on new material. And trust me I’m a comedian, when we’re thinking of new stuff we’re not really listening. Second, I’m thinking the guy was always exhausted when he did come home. Those miracles, all that walking, nobody could be in good enough shape to not just want dinner and then hit the sack.

Wouldn’t she be saying, “You’re going out again, can’t you stay home just one day?” And what about the jealousy. “Do they all have to touch you?” I just think no woman could stand her man being touched and adored by so many people.

I’m Going With You

So there is the possibility that she traveled with him. But would anyone want to camp that long? Wouldn’t you want to turn around at some point and sleep on your own hay or whatever beds were made of back then? Have a nice home cooked meal? I’m sure at that time they were still well versed in hunting and gathering and maybe people fed them, but you just don’t like everyone else’s food the way you like and get used to your own. And I’m thinking the diners just sucked!

 

Does Your Dad Always Have to Call?

Let’s face it, most of the time it’s mother-in-laws, but when your father-in-law is God, it’s a little different. He would have wanted a pre-nup, I mean he owns everything. How do you cook for a man that made the Heavens and Earth and everything on it? And I’m thinking He called with advice all the time. I mean it all was “the Word of God.”

But on the flip side, how could you not resent a man that sent His only son to die? I’d think she’d be one really pissed off widow.

 

This would have been one really tough marriage. The average marriage has kids, money, and changing interests and opinions to deal with. But this one? Phew.

 

To All My Fellow Bloggers

I had a great influx of views from Freshly Pressed and I answered all comments. What I didn’t know, is that once you “trash” a comment, it is then deleted on your site. I thought it was just deleted from your dashboard. So my apologies to all that didn’t see I acknowledged and thanked you. I greatly appreciate your support and visits.

The Shuttle is Coming, The Shuttle is Coming!

 

Ok, so I walked to the store at just the right time, the Shuttle Endeavor was flying over Long Beach. It looked really slow, like that poor 747 was really tired from carrying around the little one. It reminded me of one of my favorite jokes, “What does a snail say riding on the back of a Galapagos turtle?”

“Weeee.”

 

Now here’s the thing. According to the media this morning it was supposed to be flying over the area at 11:30. So it was an hour late. And I just didn’t think it was that special to wait an hour for. Maybe a rocket cause that has fire. Or if the shuttle itself was flying. But it was just like going to see a mom pushing a baby in a stroller or a Dad carrying a kid in one of those front-loaders. But then again I don’t get parades. If you want to see people walking and waiting on the sidewalk sell your car and ride public transportation.

 

But that’s just me. Traffic was all stalled and a lot people were walking back from the beach, so I’m the 1%.

Oh yeah, I also saw a headline in the local paper that read, “stock prices rise and riches return to America.” Wish I had some stock.

Water Cooler Talk 9-20-12

I missed my usual Wednesday blog because of technical difficulties, so I wanted to do my random thoughts. It’s my version of water cooler chat, sending it out to the Universe. It’s my mom’s favorite.

Do you think toasters are jealous of microwaves; they’re bigger, sleeker and faster?

Why aren’t large trash bags large enough for the trash cans-they’re always folding in so you end up with garbage in the can itself?

I don’t tell the weather with a trick knee, but because of the hair it does a great impression of Abraham Lincoln.

I think there’s only three things that are actually 99 cents at the 99 cent store. Why can’t they just change the name, $1.59 is still good.

While we’re on name changes, I think Two and a Half Men needs to change, that kids’ old.

Wine is the classiest of drinks, yet it started with people stomping on grapes. Not so classy.

You know what America needs: more chords. We don’t have enough things plugged in.

Pizza should be served at every event. I have never met a person that doesn’t like pizza. Yes, please feel free to comment, I want to know why if you don’t like it.

Why is math so hard to remember? I remember words and grammar and physics and perspective, but I couldn’t tell you what a cosine is.

Does the sun ever just get tired?

 

 

Code Name Agent R

Attention Fellow Bloggers and Readers:

Agent Read reporting. I have infiltrated O’Hare International Airport on a reconnaissance mission to find out what people are reading in an attempt to assist all of us aspiring writers to know what is selling.

So far I have seen two business books, Something Marketplace, but that is not our milieu. Three woman sat reading Us magazine. Something tells me they don’t belong to a book club.

I’ve headed to the bar for an interview opportunity. I order a club soda at the bar and asked the patrons what they’re reading. They say “what?”

“What are you reading?”

“Well the only things with words on it are the menus son.”

After ten minutes of how hilarious that is, I again attempt to ask my question.

After such answers as ” I read my horoscope this morning”, “sport’s page” and “obituaries..to see if I was still alive” and endless laughter, it’s time to board the plane.

I guess I will not have to wonder why 50 Shades of Gray is such a big seller and just write what’s in me. But it might be nice to just sleep on the plane.