Writer’s Block

block

This is the page that every WordPress blogger faces when it’s time for a new post. Well usually there’s more light but it’s been raining in Southern California, an anomaly that sends the people running indoors. We don’t know what to do, the sun has disappeared. It’s not December 12 yet, it can’t be the end!

But I digress. This is the “new blank page.” It’s just not as romantic as the notion of a typewriter with an actual blank page sitting in it, staring, taunting, waiting for the writer to strike the keys and produce something new and exciting in bold black and white. For a hundred years writers stared at that. Although differing reports, one such entry in Wikipedia lists the typewriter as being invented by Italian Pellegrino Turri in 1801 for his blind lover Countess Carolina Fantoni da Fivizzono. He also invented carbon paper which seems like a cruel joke because she would get black stuff all over fingers, then wipe it on her face and not know it. Unfortunately he didn’t invent Pellegrino water which she could have used to get the stains out. That was already discovered in San Pellegrino and already being drunk.

So writers have been staring at a typewriter before there was even electricity, the candlelight casting shadows that probably formed faces in the writer’s tired brain telling her how much talent she did not have and telling her to stop trying to be a writer and go get married. No one wants to read your depressing poetry.

But what of the ones that could not afford this new invention. From my school years, I remember reading about Abraham Lincoln, studying and learning by candlelight, his pen and quill staring at him while he re-worked what would become the Gettysburg address long before he even gave that speech and it was just called “This Is Probably How Things Should Go Down.”

And what of the great philosophers in History hundreds of years before that, staring at their blank stone and chisel waiting to carve out some really great, simple sayings like “What concerns me is not the way things are, but rather the way people think things are.”  Epictetus etched that in stone somewhere between 55 and 135 AD and still people don’t put that to use as evidenced by this year’s biggest news items. But nobody’s really that big on the Ten Commandments either so hopefully he’s not lamenting that in Heaven.

So what does it matter? What does it matter if I leave it blank today? With our modern computers, my frustration at the blank page is quickly aborted with a new tab showing the number one downloaded video of Gangnam Style and I can learn a new dance. Or go look at cat pictures on Facebook. Is my blog really having any impact, either humorous or inspirational or is it simply Blah Blah Blah instead of Blogging.

I don’t know, but I do know that I have learned over the past three years that I love to write and I want to continue. It brings me so much joy that it has to be coming from a good place. So I will stare at this computer screen until I come up with something. I’ll get back to you.

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The Curse of the Asterisk

 

Ladies and gentlemen, before you start your engines, before you start knocking those gifts off your list, take care of one simple detail first.

Don’t let vanity stand in your way, bring those glasses with you! And if you haven’t had an eye exam in some time, get thee to an optometrist.

Or you just might miss the fine print.

It seems the asterisks these days gets more of a workout than the fierce five gymnasts. There’s the single asterisk, the double and the triple. And then they start using other forms of punctuation. And the key is finding them! Locating those tiny fonts on a colorful ad or even worse, scrolling down to the bottom of a web page, can be maddening. They’re always on the very bottom, so that by the time you get there your eyes are buggy from all the color.

And let’s not forget the emotional roller coaster one goes on viewing a sale ad. How can one resist the bargain even if it still over-extends your credit card? There’s just something about a bargain that the human psyche cannot resist, a pull greater than a mother’s love for a child. Not really…but close.

So let’s be careful out there. I’ve been taken in recently with an iPhone purchase. It said 18 month financing but that silly little asterisk led me to the teeny tiny text that explained if I bought enough accessories to crank it up to $429. But with that new phone in my hand and the 6 month financing I still received, my mind was just too weak to think any further. I had surfing to do on that 4GLTE miracle.

Keep those eyes peeled, don’t be taken in by color and the big fonts telling you how much you save, stay on the lookout for the fine print. And to those that did all their shopping last Black Friday, I apologize.*

 

*blogger is not responsible for you not thinking on your own.

 

 

Water Cooler Talk 11-28-12

Weekly random thoughts. Since I’m self-employed it’s my version of water cooler talk: no one to talk to so it goes out to cyberspace. Please feel free to comment, it would be nice to talk to someone other than myself.

If the rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain, how do they grow avocados?

I can’t remember all the names of the woman I’ve been with, but I can remember all the lyrics to the Alka Seltzer jingle.

They’ve just released photos that show the detail that is visible in Einstein’s preserved brain. After the above confession, I don’t think I have to worry about making sure not to give my permission to remove my brain.

If the sky fell would we look like Smurfs or Blue Men group?

I love my iPhone, I’m not a snob about it, but I still think Blackberry sounds too much like a jam.

Have Mr. Peanut  and Mrs. Butterworth ever hooked up?

On a scale of one to ten, guacamole is ten and bugars are one.

My Christmas wish is for peace on Earth and only talented people become famous.

Does Santa have to fatten up in the last few weeks like bodybuilders go on a crash diet before a competition, or does he maintain that weight year round?

This sucks that I don’t live in a state that has the Powerball cause I think I could get a date if I won.

 

 

Hurry Hurry Hurry

The dishes are done, the tupperware filled, plop plop those fizz fizz and get some relief, it’s time to shop!

 

 

Seriously? The stores are going to open on Thanksgiving night? That is just messed up. Give your employees time to want to zip up their pants again. Are retailers really going to make that much money? Is this really going to turn the economy on it’s head?

Boy I’m grateful for a small family right now that I don’t have to race to the store to try and get that bargain. And I didn’t even eat anything for Thanksgiving, my family is in Chicago. I just can’t imagine packing everything up, shooing everyone away and getting to the store. At 8:00 you’re supposed to be nibbling on leftovers even though there’s no room left. That’s the point when the pies and cookies are supposed to come out and you can ingest some sugar to keep you up and make you realize how much of that stuffed bird you stuffed into your fat face.

When will it end? At one point stores opened at 6:00am Friday, then midnight, what’s next-Halloween? Black Friday was so named because stores started to turn a profit. But how can you turn a profit when you’re open earlier and earlier. And what does that do for morale. You already have employees that have to deal with crazy, impatient, demanding customers for the next four to five weeks, does this help? Seems like it hurts more to me.

But what do I know, I was just born with common sense not radical business sense. 

Water Cooler Talk 11-21-12

Weekly random thoughts. Since I’m self-employed it’s my version of water cooler talk: no one to talk to so it goes out to cyberspace. Please feel free to comment, it would be nice to talk to someone other than myself.

Saw a job ad on craigslist for “psychics wanted.” Wouldn’t they know?

My friend and I were talking about a person’s behavior, and he said “She’s a good Christian, what would Jesus say?” I said he would say “Ow! Really, I mean the nails, was that necessary? Everybody else is just tied up.”

Why is Justin Bieber so unhappy being a white kid? He copies Michael Jackson’s dance moves and he dresses like an African-American hip hop artist.

The cashier at 7-11 always says “have a good day, ok.” Very lovely, but what if I didn’t want to? What if I wanted to have a bad day? Perhaps I’m depressed and just want to go with it. Do I need to tell her? Can it not happen because she’s already put the power into a good day?

Our education system in this country really is in trouble and is no laughing matter, but I’m more worried about basic DNA when people still believe (because the advertisers are paying money for commercials so they are being bought) in diet pills, penis enlargement methods and Rogaine.

If indeed “the answer my friend, is blowin in the wind,” would somebody fricking catch it!

When life hands you lemons, give them back and ask for limes. That way you can make margaritas and it’ll be a hell of a lot more fun than lemonade.

Leo Buscaglia said, “Our talents are the gift that God gives to us…What we make of our talents is our gift back to God.”  That’s a beautiful saying but I’m wondering if I can’t just have the cash and then cut God in for thirty percent.

Four of the people I would most like to meet, living or dead, are Buster Keaton, Albert Einstein, Tina Fey and Martha Stewart. I don’t really have a lot to say to Ms. Stewart but it would be nice to have someone who could cook.

At the Equator, the Earth is spinning at 1038 miles per hour. Everyone in Ecuador must be throwing up.