Thumb Loss

OMG, it’s true. You probably can’t tell from the photo, you don’t know me. But my left thumb is shrinking!

It’s true; and it’s all the phone’s fault! Specifically the fact that I don’t have a car, so being on public transportation makes it necessary to communicate via texting or email. I’m doing it right now! I’m composing this blog on the Blue line to Los Angeles. How much more can my thumb shrink in the next hour? Will I be able to do my show or will my handicap, I’m sorry, physical challenge, impede my ability to even fan a deck of cards? Will I be dropping props all over the stage, chasing them around like some inept clown?

The worst part is that it’s not an even degeneration. My left thumb is substantially smaller than the right. Ok that’s maybe an exaggeration but it feels like when you have a tooth pulled or lose one as a kid and you think there’s an enormous gap in your mouth. That’s the way I feel. My left thumb is hideous. Stop looking at me! Stop looking at me!

I’m sorry gentle readers. A woman was staring at me while riding the train. It turns out that I just had toothpaste on my shirt sleeve. How did that get there? It’s those darn electrics toothbrushes. They spin and throw the toothpaste all over the place.

That’s easily fixed by wiping It off on my pants. But what about my thumb? Like I said the left one is definitely smaller. That’s because I have to walk to so many places and I always carry my coffee in my right hand and then have to answer an email or a text with just my left hand. What am I supposed to do, give up coffee? Heathens. No I can’t carry it in my left hand. I told you it’s smaller, it’s affecting my coordination, I’ll spill it all over.

Just like I did sleight of hand exercises when I was a young magician, I’ll have to spend evenings watching TV shows online and practice texting just with my right hand so it catches up. It’ll be the same as practicing with a deck of cards as a kid watching Happy Days. There’s no other choice; we’re not going to go backwards in technology. The smartphone is here to stay.

What choice do I have but to accept the evolutionary change. What else can I do? Call people? Hahahahaha.

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One thought on “Thumb Loss

  1. That is a very nicely manicured thumb, who cares if it shrunk.

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