And God said “Let there be light” and there was light. And everybody was like, “seriously man, just one more hour.”
And God said “Hey, I’ve been up for like three days solid and look at all this-stuff-I created, and you can’t get up and do something?”
And we were all, like, oh-okay and we dragged our sorry butts out of bed and decided to get a job. It wasn’t fun, it looked a lot more fun to do the whole Adam and Eve thing and just be naked and eat fruit. But nooooo. We had to create society or something. So we asked God if he had any, like advice, and he sent these ten commandments. And we all like, lol’d. And then when he didn’t smile, we were like, “oh you were serious?” And thus confession was born.
So then we were like, “can you just show us,” and I guess he was really busy like creating Europe or something so he sent his son. He was pretty cool, he could do tricks and stuff, but then like all the other magicians he gets to thinking his tricks are real and he’s got real powers so this guy starts like telling everybody how to act. And we’re all like “as if.” One guy was really pissed at him, although I think he was mostly mad that his parents named him Pontius-I mean who does that to a kid-and he like had him crucified. Which really blows. Supposedly he was pressured but someone also said that he was mad because not only did he get the name Pontius but then his initials were PP and all the kids teased him since he was little so he just had a lot of anger issues.
Ok so then we were on our own again, which wasn’t good, and God was nowhere to be found. He told these other guys to write a book about how we should act and they all wanted their name first so then they just finally decided to each write a book and man did that make things confusing. Everybody like fought each other over who was right for like, years. Actually, huh, we’re like still fighting. Ok, wait I have to look up society. Oh, man, I’ll get back to you. I don’t have 4G.