Deconstructing popular children’s phrases to prove that our grandparents were liars:
Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me: Never broke a bone by either a stick or a stone but Larry yelled “hey Jeff” when I was eight, I turned, then ran my bike into a fire hydrant.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away: Except when your doctor is pushing 300 pounds and your mom makes killer caramel apples-he seems to need to “re-test.”
Step on a crack, break your mama’s back: Tried. Every day for a year on the way to school. Nothing.
There’s no place like home: When I was a kid everybody’s house looked the same, growing up in the suburbs.
Don’t watch t.v. too long or you’ll burn your eyes out: Hello, we’re on frickin screens all day!
There are starving people in Africa who would gladly eat your dinner!: Yeah cause that’s all they need is more chemicals.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with just a single step: Not if you trip.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you: Um, see recent presidential election.
A fool and his money are soon parted: See Donald Trump.
Everything happens for a reason: Don’t even get me started.