Water Cooler Talk 1-30-13

Weekly random thoughts. Since I’m self-employed it’s my version of water cooler talk: no one to talk to so it goes out to cyberspace. Please feel free to comment, it would be nice to talk to someone other than myself.

Am I the only one that thinks it’s odd that the man who wrote “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness” owned slaves?*

I think it’s funny that Asian women of senior citizen age, who are always very polite, neat and dignified are the loudest talkers of anyone on a cell phone. And one almost ran me over the other day.

At what age should men stop wearing camouflage shorts or cargo pants? Do they think no one can see them? Or maybe they think a woman might think they were in the armed forces

In Long Beach they’ve done away with the plastic bags to put your groceries in, you have to pay ten cents for a paper bag. Yet they still have plastic bags for fruits and vegetables. Governments are so smart.

Many adhere to the philosophy “live and let live.” I subscribe to “live and let die” because the song is better.

If the moon is full is it cranky as well, cause I always feel that way. (Hey, you gotta have a groaner every once in a while.)

John Kerry has been name Secretary of State. Hillary must be happy because that’s like you ex dating someone new who is not as cool as you. “That’s right, he don’t match up.”

THE TIME IS NOW.  Oh crap, I forgot my watch.

Oh man Super Bowl weekend!  Who’s playing?

(if it ain’t the Bears it don’t matter.)

Is global warming affecting where the birds fly for winter?

*The wordpress.com grammar and spell checker had three corrections for these historic words. That to me, is very funny.

 

 

 

 

The Taking of Brain Cells 1-2-3

brains

Are Zombies sucking our brains out through a straw while we sleep?

Because we seem to be missing some basics lately like common sense, spatial awareness and basic logic.  Let me give you some examples.

Yesterday I went to a convenience store to purchase a slice of pizza from their deli counter. Now this is not about the time they cook it, that’s an entire subject in itself. Any establishment that has a sign on their window saying “your pizza will be ready in 3 minutes” really doesn’t qualify as an eatery. This is after a “convenience” store and it’s all about speed and maybe some people like that mushy dough taste. Being half-Italian, I know that I can pre-heat my oven before I walk over and bring the slice back to crisp it up. They’re only a $1, so I go with it. But it was the actual service that gave me pause. I was the only one in the store when I walked in. The cashier got my slices and by the time she walked to the register two women had walked in and were waiting to pay for gas. She held up the box for me and said “they’re right here” and then proceeded to ask “who’s next?”

I am!

But no, she took the women who were standing there first. Now granted the one that was standing there had a lot of plastic surgery and so the cashier might have been afraid. Maybe she knows that her brains are being sucked out. Maybe she’s a Zombie fighter who is just still working on her martial arts training and can’t strike yet.

The second instance also involves food. At my local grocery store the deli counter had a special on grilled cheese paninis with chips and a drink for $5, and the sign looked very inviting. I had been jonesing for a grilled cheese, was hungry, and this was going to be great. Now like the cashier at the convenience store, the woman serving me was very pleasant and seemed to be very conscientious, buttering the bread and carefully layering the 3 cheeses.

But when I got home there were three thin brown marks and the rest of the bread was basically un-toasted. She’d been Zombized.

The last example I’ve brought up before, the spending that took place prior to the Presidential election and the inauguration. If these officials and corporate sponsors had not had parts of their brains sucked out by Zombies then they would recognize how much impact that money could have had on education and fighting obesity in our children. But they’re just not aware that the Zombies are fattening them up because they’re eventually going to eat all of them. After all the kid’s brains don’t have a lot going for them with all the cuts in the public school system. Plus the Zombies need the energy for all their late night raids with their straws.

Zombies have become really popular around Halloween and more. When I was a kid it was just the basic black and white movies of Dracula, Frankenstein and the Wolfman. But today there’s Zombies. And maybe they’re real. After all you can’t blame the minimum wage worker or the politician. They’re all well-meaning and efficient.

It must be the Zombies.

Stop Bullying Around

When I was a kid I was a prime target for bullies-

thick glasses, chubby, smart (read: nerd.) I had it all.

As an adult performing for school assemblies bullying has become a major buzzword and my experience with cognitive behavioral therapy allowed me to create a program where techniques could be used in dealing with bullies. But it doesn’t stop after you graduate school. Looking around at our current society bullies are everywhere, and you can’t really survive it the way we were taught as kids-either walk away or learn how to fight.

I was never taught to fight and being funny, I never got into too many damaging emotional situations that would still have me in therapy.

I just had your average shoved into a locker, books dumped, a little pushing a little shoving. Never hung from my underwear, embarrassed in front of the whole school kinds of things. But I had enough to recognize a bully and I see them everywhere.

When did everyone turn into such bullies? You see nearly all of the government officials mouthing off about their competition and how they did this and that and it wasn’t right, usually talking loud, fast and quite often interrupting another speaking. Rarely do they listen calmly and then offer an alternative with a cool, clear head.

What about the media? In the need to fill time on all the available television channels, online news outlets and print all the headlines are huge, the videos featuring foul, lazy language and again the same lack of respect for another opinion or alternative position.

And what about the world leaders? Jeez you read about something new every day, someone doing something horrible. It’s just a large-scale equivalent of shoving a nerd in a locker. If you then blew up the locker and blamed in on God.

Does everybody need a cookie?

Why’s everybody so angry? No one seems to want to sit down and work things out. Maybe we should legalize pot and everyone would just mellow out and “it’ll all work out.” Having seen the demand for presentations about bullying in our schools, maybe we just need to create programs for our adults, cause kids raised by a bully really don’t stand a chance. Grow up people, if not for yourself and your stress level and your heart attacks that will reverse our life expectancies, do it for your kids. They got enough to worry about with pimples and puberty, give them a break so they can concentrate on studying and fix this world. We don’t seem to be able to do it. Too many bullies.

A Conversation Between Angels XXVI

“Morning Fred.”

“Hi Scott.”

“I see you’re up early, trying to beat the cafeteria rush?”

“Yes and no. I don’t really know what time it is, obviously, but I do like it when I’m early. I prefer the eggs and they seem to run out of those first.”

“You don’t like the pancakes?”

“I just get a little sick of all the sayings they write on there.”

“They really do hammer at you don’t they?”

“Yeah.”

“Speaking of, did you see that lecture by Father Time?”

“Yeah, letting go of the clock. Um, hello, we already don’t have any of the devices we were used to.”

“But he makes a point about not being obsessed with the idea of time, with the need to be somewhere, with the need to judge yourself based on whether or not you get something done in a certain amount of time.”

“Well then why didn’t he go to Earth and give us the lecture while we were down there. I might not have had this heart attack.”

Scenes from a Train 1-26-13

An elderly black* man sitting in front of me has a very suspicious looking case that’s on wheels. It’s old and beat up, the kind that you have to dial in a three digit combination on each side before the clasp will be released. He’s got it on its own seat which can indicate its value or danger or just that he’s a rude a$$hole who is taking a seat that will be needed as the train makes its way downtown. There are two more suspicious things- he’s got the arm of the case extended as if he might have to make a fast getaway. The other is the back of his baseball cap reads Black Barons. Is he out to eliminate Snoopy’s alter ego The Red Baron? Is he striking after the actor who voiced Charlie Brown is all over the news for doing weird, stupid things? Is there an anti-Peanut movement afoot? Is poor Linus’ blanket in dire jeopardy of getting in the wrong hands? I’ll keep a close watch on him.

Four seats ahead of me a chubby Asian woman eats what looks like mainly rice out of a plastic container. It looks like leftovers but the plastic doesn’t look like it came from a restaurant. So maybe her mother made it for her and used something they’d saved. That may be why she’s wearing sunglasses, so that she can’t see what her mom put in there. I might suggest more veggies and not just carbs.

Across the aisle a guy in his late 20s, early 30s wears a long leather jacket, a black winter hat pulled over his eyes and dark shades. He stares straight ahead or looks out the window. He could be dangerous but my money is on him being a total nerd trying to look bada$$. I went through a phase of wearing all black, beyond just for magic shows, and wanting to seem all mysterious. Probably looked as ridiculous as he does-our minds are the mystery.

This other young guy across the aisle wearing a hoodie who has been allowing his skateboard to take up a seat just had a woman with her child sit next to him. He didn’t move the skateboard. I’m going to have to continue this later because I have to go smack some sense into him.

*i have been filling out job applications online all week and the only choice is white, not Caucasian, so are we back to just a color thing? I’m so confused. I’ve tried to be courteous and say African American but then you ride on public transportation and using “black” seems polite.

Rain, rain, stay for a few days

rain

 

There’s something really great about rainy days when you have a lot of work to get done. You’re more inclined to focus when the sun’s not streaming through telling you “You like in Southern California. So what if you don’t get your work done. So what if you run out of money. You can always live on the beach!”

That being said, I’m a big fan of showers. And I don’t know if you can get that clean in a cold ocean in the winter or a public restroom. Side note: You can’t ask for the bathroom in public places like restaurants and coffee houses. They look at you funny. That must be a Midwestern term. It’s interesting. But not that interesting. I think we’re done talking about it.

The rain makes a great background noise to get your work done as well. It’s not like music where you are either singing the lyrics or humming along with the melody and suddenly the topic you’re writing about has a “peaceful easy feeling.” That doesn’t work real well when you’re designing a website for constipation products. But you do have to be careful and be sure to sit up straight and not lean back in your desk chair-particularly if it’s one that rocks. You’ll take a nice long break.

This has been the perfect weather for me. I know I’m fortunate because it’s just a touch of rain and only in the 60s, so please don’t think I’m trying to rub it in. It’s just that I live in a tiny studio apartment and it’s nice that I can keep the windows open and feel like I’m not in solitary confinement. And I can listen to the sound of the rain during the day and at night be serenaded by the sounds of the people walking down the street yelling at each other or the sirens of the police cars speeding to take care of some problem caused by some homeless, or drugged/drunken individual or some punk high school kid, probably white but trying to look like a rap artist. It’s nice to live on the edge of downtown.

And tomorrow there’s more rain planned and I can finally get through this frustrating website. Come on forecast!

Weekly Water Cooler Talk 1-23-12

<i>Weekly random thoughts. Since I’m self-employed it’s my version of water cooler talk: no one to talk to so it goes out to cyberspace. Please feel free to comment, it would be nice to talk to someone other than myself.</i>
I ate seven burritos. Just set a new long jump record.
How come no one in the media commented on Malia yawning while her dad was giving his inaugural speech?
They spent more money on the inauguration than any before. You would think that would hire  someone who would really sing the National Anthem.
Will the Bush library just have pop-up books? I just picture him laughing at them. Well more like Will Ferrell doing his laugh.
Does Juan Valdez drink his brand of coffee or does he go to Starbucks?
I’m at the grocery store. Oh sorry I thought this was Facebook.
I liked seeing Hillary Clinton a little pissed off, I’m betting she’s been holding on to some anger for some time.

a + b= c2    Whatever Pythagorus, it was

It feels lazy when a magician plays solitaire on his iPhone instead of real playing cards. I mean me.

The guy who voiced Charlie Brown in all the iconic specials from the 60’s was arrested and  charged with 12 felony counts of making criminal threats and stalking. Man that football thing really messed him up.