I Can Kick Your A$$


On yesterday’s Huffington Post front page there was an article about short celebrity men and how their size might surprise you. I took it as a guide to which celebrity’s a$$ I could kick.

Now I’m not a bully and I have never really had a problem with being short. So what if I’m too inches short of the 5’9″ average? It’s worked out well for me in my interest in gymnastics, magic, juggling, and really small cars. But occasionally the half-italian side of me wants to flaunt some machismo. Not as much as when I drank, but occasionally. And when I saw this article, the olive oil just started oozing. So in order of smallest to biggest-

Danny DeVito 5″0-

Oh no I can’t hit Louie. Sorry not the first one. Plus he’s Italian.

Prince 5’2″-

No, I don’t think so. That’s like breaking a Hummel figurine, it’s too pretty.

Michael J. Fox 5’4″-

Yeah right, I’m gonna be the guy to beat up Michael J. Fox, bravely and publicly fighting a debilitating disease.

Seth Green 5’4″-

Hmmm. Maybe.

Bruno Mars 5’5″-

Actually, I kind of like his singing.

Daniel Radcliffe 5’5″-

He’d probably slip on the Harry Potter glasses right before I tried to.

Jon Stewart 5’6″-

Before I get on his show. Uh, no.

Macaulay Culkin 5’7″-

Same height. Fair Fight. Now this I think I could do. Get that Home Alone expression right back on his face when he doesn’t know what hit him.