It’s Not My Dog

The blog title is one of my favorite movie lines but it also reflects my attitude as a pedestrian. Attention dog owners: I do not love your dog the way that you do.

I don’t dislike dogs, I just don’t feel the need to pet yours. When I’m walking down the street, I don’t feel like I should have to veer off course because you can’t pull the leash tight enough. And no matter how much “he’s harmless,” at this point in my life I’ve had enough dogs nip at me when I was told they didn’t bite that I don’t believe you.

I like my crotch. I wish I had someone being very nice to it, and so when your dog feels the need to sniff it, and you don’t stop it, it’s like a slap in the face that that is all the action I’m getting down there. Again, they make those cool leashes where there’s an automatic stopper on there.

I would go on about how un-cute it is when a dog humps your leg when you’re a first time visitor to someone’s house where the dog obviously runs the show, but I’m not anti-dog. I know there’s a lot of dog owners and I really don’t want to start a fight. I would just really appreciate being able to walk down the street unbothered. If I want to interact your dog, I’ll do just what another dog would do-approach it and sniff its butt.

Besides, I’ve got tons of skateboarders, homeless and bicyclists that think they’re still seven and need to ride on the sidewalk.

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