An Introduction to Walking

Uncle_Sam_walking

 

Having spent the last two years as a pedestrian, I can tell you something unequivocally…people don’t know how to walk. But then I thought, “they don’t know how to walk.” We’re given driving instruction but not walking instruction. So I present Jeffery’s Rules of the Pavement.

  1. Walk on the right* Simple really. We drive on the right in this country, let’s just keep the same traffic pattern on the sidewalk. Now I know there are exceptions, in fact, the driver’s ed book I had as a teen said that when there is no sidewalk you should continue to ride your bicycle on the right but walk on the left to see traffic and allow them to see you. Keep that. Drivers love to wave that they see you as you’re starting to cross the street but still go in front of you. Being alive is good.
  2. Watch when crossing Ok, now this is a timing thing. If you cross in the path of someone, decide when you might crash into each other and then speed up or slow down as to avoid smashing into each other and falling onto your butts in a slapstick fashion. This means that you might have to yield to the other individual because it would be stupid rude to simply walk in front of someone because you can’t be bothered and you’re busy on your phone.
  3. Four across If you are over the age of fourteen don’t all take up the entire sidewalk. You are not in the halls of high school displaying dominance. Move over, or better yet, walk two and two so that the oncoming pedestrian does not have to veer off into the dog poop.
  4. Hand in hand This follows number 3 that if you are a couple who is walking together side by side, in blissful love, adjust for oncoming traffic. Let her hand go for a sec you henpecked wuss.
  5. Flow of traffic Just because it is eight am or six pm, it doesn’t mean that everyone is going one way because they’re coming from or going to work. Allow others to get to the train platform. Thank you.
  6. Bells and Whistles If you ride a bicycle on the sidewalk and ring a bell indicating pedestrians should move out of your way, let me point out that the gun laws have not changed yet.

 

I think that about covers it. It is a fault of mine that I am born with a logical brain but I think that things need to be less stressful and move easier in this country, so please give these rules a read. There will be a test. Have a nice weekend.

*European readers may want to change that to the left.

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