What Would a Spoon Say

As is my way, I often look at normal things and think of them in abnormal circumstances. This afternoon while doing the dishes somehow it popped into my head what would utensils say if they could talk.

“Seriously, you’re gonna try the chopsticks again? It does not make you look cool and you miss all the good stuff.” Fork

“Maybe, just maybe, the sharper knife would have a better time getting through this butter. Or maybe, just maybe, you could take the frickin butter out of the freezer before dinner!” Butter knife

“For the love of Mike, do you have to make that slurping sound every time?” Spoon

I was proud of myself for my absurd comedy, but then I googled talking spoon to see if I could find an image to go with it. And guess what, there is a talking spoon.


GD Wholesale.com sells a talking spoon to children 1-6 years old (actually I think their parents pay for it) that teaches them basic words. It doesn’t say whether it’s English and the company is subtitled China Trade Online. But it doesn’t matter, this is brilliant! Kids learn while they’re eating and we know they love talking things.

But why not for those over six years old. Why can’t it teach teens manners, twenty-somethings to have better etiquette?

“No, you’re supposed to go from the other side of the soup bowl.”

And what about the effect it could have on our nationwide obesity?

“Come on, slow down, the bowl’s not going anywhere.”

“You have had seventy one scoops of ice cream. Please stop or a brain freeze will be the least of your worries.”

And lastly, just think about the positive reinforcement, utensils are, after all, like little mirrors.

“You look good today. And I like your choice, bran suits you.”

“Vegetables! I love vegetables. They look so good in me and they look so good on you. I mean in you, but they make you look so much better on the outside.”

Such an untapped market, because let’s face it, about the only time we might not be paying attention to everything else is when we’re feeding out stomachs. And even if we are watching TV, surfing the net, or tweeting about the restaurant we’re at, the audio will still get through to our brains and have its effect. Even if the only thing the spoon or fork did was echo our stomach’s when we’ve filled them up and said “Ahhhh,” it may just have a major calming effect on the whole world.

4 thoughts on “What Would a Spoon Say

  1. You are seriously insane. But funny. FYI its the fork that counts.

  2. Love it! I would love for my fork to tell me to lay off– especially when I am going for that second piece of lasagna!

    • You know that’s the trouble, at least for me being half-Italian, the utensils seem to side with the pasta. If I could somehow get my hands to not keep eating pizza until it was all gone that would help too.

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