Water Cooler Talk 4-30-14

Weekly random thoughts. Since I’m self-employed it’s my version of water cooler talk: no one to talk to so it goes out to cyberspace.

Has any child actually exploded when someone said “baby fall down and go boom?”

No one ever talks about the moms after enduring a child “born with a silver spoon in his mouth.”

How come all the people that describe themselves as “down to Earth” aren’t just lying around?

I wonder if termites have a favorite wood like any good connoisseur?

Has any road construction ever been finished by the estimate date?

How in the world can an effeminate looking, chubby kid be trusted to pair up lovers? If Cupid really looks like that, he’ll take anything he can get.

It always comes in threes, where’s the last white old guy racist to make headlines?

and…

Always remember, burps could have been farts if they hadn’t lost their way.

 

 

I Believe

That all automatic transmission cars should have a section of shag carpet where you place your bare left foot. If people got to feel that they wouldn’t get so irritable and as easily enraged when they drive.

That there should be more round foods with holes in them because everyone seems happy and content when they’re eating a bagel or a doughnut.

That adults should bring peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch instead of going out for fast food because as kids that was all we needed to make us happy and give us energy for the rest of the day. Of course, recess before going back to work would also do wonders.

That moms need to teach their sons how kooky women are and dads need to teach their daughters how kooky men are instead of teaching us how to be what we already are; we need to understand how to relate to the other.

That all United States politicians have to repeat seventh grade history before entering a political race so they can become reacquainted with democracy and why it is honorable and important to hold office.

That all reality television stars should have to be de-briefed, de-compressed and de-loused before they go back in the real world so they can act like real people instead of who they were on television.

That all men and women are created equal and everyone just stop thinking any different.

 

 

A Conversation Between Angles LXXXIV

“Hey Marv.”

“Hi Phil.”

“Nice to see you with such a big smile on your face.”

“Yeah I was just thinking I wish I could tell everyone that it doesn’t matter.”

“You mean all the worries and the cares?”

“Yeah.”

“Finances, business, the pursuit of the almighty dollar?”

“Nah, it doesn’t matter whether you have on clean underwear or not.”

 

Water Cooler Talk 4-23-14

Weekly random thoughts. Since I’m self-employed it’s my version of water cooler talk: no one to talk to so it goes out to cyberspace.

I’ve never looked at the labels, I wonder if any of the furniture at IKEA is made out of recycled Swedish meatballs?

I’ll bet plain and chunky peanut butter really don’t like each other, and not like the plain and peanut M&M’s have a friendly rival—I mean really don’t like each other.

It would be great to be a bird, no one could ever know for sure—”I’m sorry, I had to go, it was just a coincidence that you were there.”

Why is a Super Gulp smaller than a Double Gulp? That just doesn’t sit well in my mathematician/superhero fan brain.

I’d love to see one of the fish laying there in the supermarket with their face still on talk to the people. “Take the shrimp, they’re so cute and much more delicious.”

When a pen runs out of ink, I wonder if the pencils on the desk laugh and laugh, “ha, I might break but I’m gonna be around a lot longer.”

Funny how there’s competitions for how much we can shove into our bodies but never for how much can come out in one sitting.

Birds are already looking for food so why can’t we train them to pick up our trash and then reward them with food. It’s probably easier than doing it ourselves.

The Stillness of Society

 

I was walking down the beach one day, watching all the dogs as they frolicked in their area while all the owners just stood watching, talking and snacking. It seemed that  for many it was an effort to throw a ball or a frisbee. And I got to wondering, why is it that evolution has advanced our minds and yet our bodies, not so much?

Sure we stand erect, but it’s no secret that our society is lazy and fat. That’s just a fact. But how does it come about? How can a dog be so excited about the idea…

“We’re going out? You’re kidding, where? It doesn’t matter! In fact, I’m gonna run around like crazy for a while just in celebration of this event. Be back in a minute.”

One minute later.

“So what again? Oh right, we’re going out. I call shotgun! Can we got lots of places for lots of time because I like the different temps on my nose when I stick it out of the window? And you know what else, would it be ok, if when we get to the place, or places, or whatever, can I run around some more until I’m like spent, and then rest for about a half a minute, maybe have some water—from a toilet is always nice—and then run around like a madman hopefully with other dogs and you too?  Can I?”

And then there’s us…

“What? Ahhhh. Just let me finish watching this. Where’s the remote? Can’t I just stay here and eat? And speaking of that, it’s been an hour and a half since I’ve had something fried!”

So what happens? We’re not born that way, you see little children anxious to go out, happy to frolic and excited to be alive. But it also seems to be happening at a younger age as evidenced by childhood obesity. So where’s the chink in nature’s armor? How come all other living things are naturally active, working, playing, moving about when needed—including flying and migrating to other countries and for us it’s a struggle to get out of bed? Has it just been the change of diet and sedentary lifestyle derived from modern technology or is this the natural evolution?

Or is it cats?

Yes, cats are the only ones that are content to sit around all day. Cats don’t want to be bothered. Cats are arrogant, unfriendly, dismissive and stand-offish. Cats are trying to take over the world. They’re using videos to lull us into thinking how cute they are and then we’ll act more like them.

We must stop the kitties. It’s the only way! Who’s with me?! Come on. Come on, let’s go.

Ok, move over. Wanna order a pizza?