In an attempt to become immortal by having my name associated with writing and sayings ala the great Mark Twain, I have created five new phrases that will soon become part of American, dare I say International, culture.
Peaches and Plums
Ok, if Apples and Oranges is about how difficult it is to pick which one is better, this is quite the opposite. But the sneakiest, cleverest bit is that only the person saying it really knows which one he prefers, which one he thinks is better.
Example: “You know with me honey, blondes and brunettes, peaches and plums.”
Like Two Peas in an Edamame
Using this phrase categorizes two people as being similar, or friends, except it adds that they’re very trendy and maybe a little but full of themselves.
Ex: “Yep went to Hollywood to eat out, hipster joint, every table like two peas in an edamame. And they were all eating it too.”
Which Way The Garbage Swirls
Inlike the phrase “which way the wind blows” where someone believes they can anticipate trends or the future, this phrase honestly says we don’t have a clue, we shouldn’t even try, and anyone who pretends they know is just full of it.
Ex: “Cable news—which way the garbage swirls.”
Mr. Smarty Slacks
Since ‘Mr. Smarty Pants” is so very common to hear when we’re young, this phrase will be used by the one percent.
Ex: “Oh Muffy, did you hear what little Trevor just said? That’s deplorable, the Bushes will be so upset.”
If These Floors Could Talk
This is a whispered aside about someone’s obesity. It’s mean, but maybe it’s a good idea for the economy. Because of the health care thing.
Ex: No you probably shouldn’t try this one, they’ll know.