Sunday morning I stood behind two twenty-something guys with tousled hair that got that way because either they slept together, they slept with two women who wanted to make their hair look exactly alike when they woke up, or they used a lot of product before 7:00am. They talked in hushed, baritone tones that people over thirty can’t process. They were super skinny and buying coffee and cigarettes to replenish the skinniness. But the thing that stuck out, was the chain and the wallet, in a pair of Dockers?!
His buddy also had a wallet on a chain, but at least it went into jeans. I say at least because that’s the way I picture them. When I was in my twenties guys that rode Harley’s had wallets with chains on them and it fit their tattoos, boots and the actual chains on their hogs.
I could simply quantify these two dudes as hipster douches, but unfortunately I couldn’t hear their conversation enough to determine their intelligence. The lines are much more transparent between hipsters and geeks and these two guys could own tech companies or want to give me a job or publish my book. And my thoughts weren’t really on these two guys as much as they were on the wallets. They both had them. When did wallets with chains come back?
When and how do any of these things come back? What is the natural cycle for retro? One would think that there was a big marketing firm that measures these things, in fact there’s probably many of them. But what if it was just one guy? What if there was one guy who sits in a castle with computer screens all around him, like Batman except the closest thing this guy has to a cape is his robe. He too is skinny from drinking Red Bull non-stop and frantically jumping around when one of his many cameras catches someone implementing his latest conquest.
He just decides. He just decides that wallets with chains should come back and he Photoshops one onto Ryan Gosling* or some other celebrity and then POW, people are wearing them. He bounces back in his high-backed desk chair and cackles. He slowly crushes the can of speed, not for the effect but because of lack of strength in his pasty white bones. He stares at the symbol of the bull and decides that he shall next do something related to bull fighting. Yes. He will Photoshop a picture of George Clooney* wearing a matador’s hat and it shall be all the rage!
And then to the Madonna look of the eighties for the ladies.
*I consider both of these guys talented actors and hope that neither would ever wear one of those things intentionally