It Could be Simpler Times

peaceI often hear people talk about how it “used to be” and I catch myself sometimes complaining like an old man, in my head, without offering any real solutions. But I do think that as we age in this technical world we do lose much of the innocence of childhood and perhaps we need to learn to retain a little of that.

For men it comes down to one thing—boobies. We just need to be able to say the word more often and in their presence. Not as a symbol of the objectification of women, but the release of the pent up twelve year old that forever lives in our head. We like boobies, we like looking at boobies, and we like saying words like “boobies.” Give men the opportunity to point at and say “boobies” on a more regular, accepted basis and I guarantee you will create greater gender equality and stop harassment.

For women, well I just don’t want to say. I’ve learned not to say how women should act and I don’t want to be single forever so I don’t want to turn anyone off.

Ok, fine. Actually I think women should hit men more often. Not to hurt us, but like when you punched the boy at recess that you liked. We are confused by you in this “advanced” society and we don’t know if this is the generation that likes doors opened for you or finds that insulting. Punch us and tell us what you want. It’ll probably make everything clear and end the compensation discrimination.

More importantly than any separate suggestions are the three things we should all do for happier healthier lives for us all.

  1. Skip more often. It’s great exercise, you can’t help but smile while you’re doing it, and all the release of self-consciousness is the equivalent of everyone poops.
  2. Eat more peanut butter & jelly and ice cream. Just find yourself ridiculously happy with the simple. It’s so easy.
  3. Have a tantrum in public. We should be allowed to drop to the floor and wail like a baby when we’re not happy. Just get it out, loud and proud, and then get over it. We’re gonna stop wars that way.

That’s my thoughts, got any to add?

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One thought on “It Could be Simpler Times

  1. I totally agree except for the peanut butter and jelly. I think I will substitute chips and ice cream. I am going to the mall to have a tantrum now! Thx

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