The New Identities

I spend a lot of time on foot these days, so I am afforded more opportunities to observe people and I have developed some new names for certain types of people.

Time Tripper

People in their 30s need to stop using the phrase “old-school hip hop.” Hip hop hasn’t been around long enough to be old-school, they’re using that wrong.
I call them the Time Tripper because they seem to trip over their correct decade usage. Old school should still relate to the era of the Rat Pack, when it was a different class of entertainer by their dress, manner and type of music. Old school hip-hop is still hip hop.

The Staller

The staller is the person in line at the the 7-11 who doesn’t really have all of their items chosen. They are the next in line to pay yet they keep picking out things from the impulse-buy racks by the register. “Oh wait, this too” is their favorite phrase. It is possible that they secretly have a boatload of disposable income and this is the only way that they can spend it, or they either have a crush on the cashier or simply need to take more time being waited on by someone because they feel ignored.

The Stubbacker

An amalgam of stubborn and linebacker, this individual stands on the train platform and as soon as the doors open tries to enter the train before letting any passengers out. They know exactly how to position themselves directly in the center when the doors part so they also make it difficult for anyone to get through, like a good linebacker would. I try to gently coerce these people into changing their behavior by using terms like “Moron,” and “Move!” But that is all relative to their height and size in comparison to my one hundred and fifty pound, five foot seven inch frame.

The Mack Trucker

This is my current favorite. You’re walking along and someone comes out of a store and they don’t pay any attention to you, they simply pull out in front and inevitably walk at the pace of a three year old. They are usually in a number greater than one so you’re stopped dead. It’s just like a large truck pulling out in front of you knowing full well you have no course of action other than to stop.

 

I may sound like a bitter old curmudgeon but I’m really not. It’s the definition of this blog—I’m amazed at how people can act because it often goes against the core beliefs and common sense that were instilled in me, but at the same time I’m amused at how different we can be and how crazed I can get over the simplest things. The more I learn to laugh the better off I’ll be. And I’ll pass it on.

 

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9 thoughts on “The New Identities

  1. Good ones. Remember Rich Hall and his “Sniglets?”  

  2. Well said!! Also, what are people called that can’t stay to the right when they walk…(a rule that’s worked in schools and classrooms forever!), or those that walk two-three-or-four abreast…and make the one solo walker move onto the grass because they’ve taken over the whole sidewalk!!!??? You seem to be the only person on the face of this earth that cares about these things…I love you!!!

  3. Pingback: Amusingz | The New Identities Part II

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