Water Cooler Talk 12-31-14

Weekly random thoughts. Since I’m self-employed it’s my version of water cooler talk: no one to talk to so it goes out to cyberspace. 

Is it gonna be as much fun to party in 2999 as it was in 1999?

Why is it called social media when it’s really the definition of anti-social?

I wonder how many people are already resolved to a really big hangover?

While visiting my parents for the Holidays I found a brussel sprout I hid when I was six…it tastes the same.

Did baby dinosaurs need water wings when they first learned to swim?

I’ll bet there’s at least one Keebler elf that has wanted to experiment with light puffed pastries.

I’ve never broken a single bone on a stick or stone, and neither have any of my friends or relatives. Names though, ouch.

Do skeletons think they’re fat?

My fortune cookie said I would eat a lot of Chinese food this year.

 

 

 

 

 

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12 Days of Christmas Single Style

So halfway through the Twelve Days of Christmas I wondered what a single guy would transform the famous song into if he didn’t have a true love.

12days

  1. Partridge Family Reruns on TV
  2. Two Turtle Footrests
  3. Three French maids
  4. Four Angry Birds
  5. Five Golden Chains
  6. Six Monkeys Swinging
  7. Seven Scoops of Ice Cream
  8. Eight Six Packs Stacked
  9. Nine Ladies Dancing (some things don’t need to change)
  10. Ten Leftover Chicken Legs
  11. Eleven Pizza Boxes
  12. Twelve Digital Downloads

A Conversation Between Angels CXXII

“Good morning everyone. Since you all are new this year, we just want to talk about New Year’s resolutions. We are always growing so there may always be some room that you’d like to improve. Sally?”

“I would like to pray more, I mean consciously pray.”

“Excellent, always good to hear. How about you Pete?”

“I think I’d like to make an effort to ask more about people—their past, their feelings.”

“That is tremendous. And you Freddie?”

“I’m going to try and find stones.”

“Stones? What do you need those for?”

“So I can build a wall to hide behind when I get tired of Pete asking too many questions?”

Water Cooler Talk 12-23-14

Weekly random thoughts. Since I’m self-employed it’s my version of water cooler talk: no one to talk to so it goes out to cyberspace. 

What does Jesus Christ say when he’s exasperated?

Does Santa Claus get nervous?

I wonder if babies, on Christmas, are thinking “no, I like my naked simple self, I don’t need all those clothes and distractions.”

If humans would emulate peacocks and the males would be the more colorful, perhaps that would solve the equal pay for equal work debate – men wouldn’t need as much because they feel pretty.

I’ve decided to live on my own calendar where every month has 30 days because a) it makes more sense to me and b) I won’t know exactly when my birthday is so I’ll be surprised every time.

It’s a fine line between it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas and it’s beginning to look a lot like Commercialization.

Speed Racer said he was gonna stop by but I didn’t realize how his name affects the length of the visit.

Around the world thousands and thousands of christmas tree stumps are finally able to count and see how old they were when they died.

The last time my RockEm SockEm robot got his head knocked off I swear he whispered “chiropractor.”

I’ll bet Rudolph’s Christmas wish is that ‘somebody please turn this thing off for just one night so I can get some sleep.’