Valentine’s Day Challenge for the Ladies

Valentine'sDayLadies, ladies, ladies and I mean not only all the single ladies but those in a relationship as well. I am going to give the best advice from a heterosexual male that you’ve ever gotten…

The Key to a Successful Valentine’s Day…

Tell us what you want!

Men need instructions, we don’t work well with improvisation unless we’re doing it on stage or in the urinal at a ballpark. We know how to try to make funny stuff up, or at least think we are,  and we know how to get out of the way when we might get sprayed. Other than that we like manuals, we like diagrams with pictures that tell us stuff, or else a remote that controls everything from the couch.

Make it Simple.

Why do you think men love sports so much? Because it involves getting a ball into a hoop, through a U-shaped thing or into a net (and sometimes the ball is flat—that makes a new sport, cause there’s a stick too.) We love that, easy PZ and then we can make a guttural noise, high-five, or bang chests. We won’t do that on a date, unless the bang chests part you had in mind later. But just think simple objective because we’re also missing some sports on Valentine’s Day this year.

Reward Us.

Yes that. And maybe tell us we did a good job. And we like being told we look pretty too.

The Secret to a Happy Valentine’s Day

Ladies, you have time. It’s not too late to tell your partner what you want. And if plans can’t be changed, look at this as an adventure to unlock the Valentine’s Day of your dreams for next year. That is especially important for you single women. I know it’s a Saturday night but don’t drink too much and go home with someone you don’t want to because that tiny little voice that says “see I’m not a loser” at two am will be completely drowned out by the Voice of Shame and Disgust come Sunday. I’m not saying don’t go out but get a group of single people together and turn it into a game of “OMG can you believe they’re doing that,” or “OMG I can’t believe she’s wearing that.” And no, I don’t mean to say you’re superficial and that’s all you’re looking at, I’m saying have fun with it. In a relationship or single, go digging into your heart, head and soul for the Valentine’s Day of your dreams, circa 2016. Make it a treasure hunt, take notes, put stickies on your man’s forehead. He’ll find it by next year.

We Want You to be Happy

Really we do. So if you still want to be surprised, then you know, get us started. Write it in mustard on this afternoon’s sandwich and it could still be tonight’s romance.

But hey, what do I know, I don’t have a date.