The Early Morning Flight

airplane

My flight leaves at 6:00am, I didn’t go to sleep because the shuttle was going to be there at 3:00am and I didn’t want to miss it. So tired, sleep deprived, the quiet of the airport as the passengers start to arrive, these are my thoughts.

  1. Why am I and others getting caffeine and sugar and then going to have to sit still for four hours?
  2. If they didn’t have Starbuck’s what would the airport smell like in the morning, the unbathed?
  3. Is being a pilot still really cool and do they make as much money as they did?
  4. What happened to the really hot flight attendants? Is there that many seasons of the bachelor?
  5. If they didn’t invent iPhones and iPads would other people be writing like me, or reading, or would they just be staring blankly like the dude next to me?
  6. Man I hope that woman doesn’t have the seat next to me, she’s rather large.
  7. That one neither.
  8. Holy, S*#t, especially not that one.
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Code Name Agent R

Attention Fellow Bloggers and Readers:

Agent Read reporting. I have infiltrated O’Hare International Airport on a reconnaissance mission to find out what people are reading in an attempt to assist all of us aspiring writers to know what is selling.

So far I have seen two business books, Something Marketplace, but that is not our milieu. Three woman sat reading Us magazine. Something tells me they don’t belong to a book club.

I’ve headed to the bar for an interview opportunity. I order a club soda at the bar and asked the patrons what they’re reading. They say “what?”

“What are you reading?”

“Well the only things with words on it are the menus son.”

After ten minutes of how hilarious that is, I again attempt to ask my question.

After such answers as ” I read my horoscope this morning”, “sport’s page” and “obituaries..to see if I was still alive” and endless laughter, it’s time to board the plane.

I guess I will not have to wonder why 50 Shades of Gray is such a big seller and just write what’s in me. But it might be nice to just sleep on the plane.

Gonna Fly Now Part II

The airport gives one such a sense or adventure, if one is inclined towards adventure and likes calling themselves one. From the very moment you enter the airport the excitement begins: will this be the day that I somehow look suspicious and I need to be strip searched. I don’t know what kind of training the TSA personnel go through, but I know one of the classes is “how to think you are the Ruler of the Airport.” of course that class has best lectures on “how to pretend you have power” and “how to make people think they are inferior.” must be a thankless job, no one appreciates what you’re doing and you have to smell a lot of feet.

It is a drag, for them, for us, for all but the idiots that ran a couple of planes into buildings and ended the freedom we used to have when flying. I miss the days when you could walk around and scope out babes from all countries. I fantasizes that a French woman would run into me, say “pardon” (in a cute French accent, not the thing a Governor does just before someone gets the chair) and then would need to hangs her flight and go wherever I was going so we could make love.

Nope, all I get is people in line at Starbuck’s that don’t understand others need to get through. And their accent is from New Jersey and really, why does anyone wan to look like Snooki. Ok, first boarding call. Please put me next to someone thin. I can’t take another trip like last time where the two large women, because of he theory of displacement, had me riding halfway into the aisle. Flight attendants are merciless wih this carts-I haven’t been able to play tennis since.

Gonna Fly Now

Going to the airport is always a trip (ha) early in the morning. Walking to the train at 5am, the only sound the clump clomping of the woman walking in front of me in her wooden clogs, her talking non-stop to a man who can only answer “mm-hmm” like a sitcom husband. He breaks this pattern by letting out a giant spit, the sound seemingly his only way to defy her incessant nonsense chatter.

The train stop is gloomy, not because there’s fog but everyone is going to work and they don’t look happy. The seats are filled with people in black pants and work boots, their polo shirts emblazoned with the company they probably wish they didn’t work for.

Everyone has headphones. Three guys around me bob thief heads up and down and mouth the word, I imagine they’re listening to rap. Most people have their eyes closed, trying to imagine their back in bed with their husband or boyfriend or someone they really want to sleep with.

One man who looks like a Middle Eastern Santa Claus boards the train. He adjusts himself and his large sack into the seat then pulls down his wool cap (which you gotta have in Los Angeles) then wraps a scarf around his entire head. I guess he’s just delivered his packages and really needs sleep. Rest well, I’ve got to get on the other train.

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