The Stillness of Society


I was walking down the beach one day, watching all the dogs as they frolicked in their area while all the owners just stood watching, talking and snacking. It seemed that  for many it was an effort to throw a ball or a frisbee. And I got to wondering, why is it that evolution has advanced our minds and yet our bodies, not so much?

Sure we stand erect, but it’s no secret that our society is lazy and fat. That’s just a fact. But how does it come about? How can a dog be so excited about the idea…

“We’re going out? You’re kidding, where? It doesn’t matter! In fact, I’m gonna run around like crazy for a while just in celebration of this event. Be back in a minute.”

One minute later.

“So what again? Oh right, we’re going out. I call shotgun! Can we got lots of places for lots of time because I like the different temps on my nose when I stick it out of the window? And you know what else, would it be ok, if when we get to the place, or places, or whatever, can I run around some more until I’m like spent, and then rest for about a half a minute, maybe have some water—from a toilet is always nice—and then run around like a madman hopefully with other dogs and you too?  Can I?”

And then there’s us…

“What? Ahhhh. Just let me finish watching this. Where’s the remote? Can’t I just stay here and eat? And speaking of that, it’s been an hour and a half since I’ve had something fried!”

So what happens? We’re not born that way, you see little children anxious to go out, happy to frolic and excited to be alive. But it also seems to be happening at a younger age as evidenced by childhood obesity. So where’s the chink in nature’s armor? How come all other living things are naturally active, working, playing, moving about when needed—including flying and migrating to other countries and for us it’s a struggle to get out of bed? Has it just been the change of diet and sedentary lifestyle derived from modern technology or is this the natural evolution?

Or is it cats?

Yes, cats are the only ones that are content to sit around all day. Cats don’t want to be bothered. Cats are arrogant, unfriendly, dismissive and stand-offish. Cats are trying to take over the world. They’re using videos to lull us into thinking how cute they are and then we’ll act more like them.

We must stop the kitties. It’s the only way! Who’s with me?! Come on. Come on, let’s go.

Ok, move over. Wanna order a pizza?




They’re Making Their Move…


They’re sneaky. They’ve been planning for a long time. But cats are about to take over the world.

Once again, the public hasn’t been paying enough attention. They knew it. And they’re making their move. Cats have slowly been building off shore accounts and are about to fill their coffers with a tremendous amount of our money.

Everyone knows that cats can seem aloof. But it was all part of their master plan. They let dogs get all the attention, bouncing around and humping our shins, while the cats have been putting their master plan into action. You thought they were “just somewhere, they’ll be back” but they were meeting with bankers, lawyers and money management specialists.

It’s been a long term plan, a long term con. Like George Lucas waiting for special effects technology to develop before he made the three newest (and best*) Star Wars movies, cats have been laying low while the Internet developed in speed and accessibility. They waited while we became obsessed with silly social media outlets.

And now the cats can make their move. Don’t worry, this is not like The Planet of the Apes. They will not be striking with violence. But they will be doing damage, hitting us where it really counts-in our wallets. After years of slowly releasing more and more cute photos online, spreading through Facebook and Twitter, they’re hitting Madison Avenue and agents are negotiating some big contracts. They’ll be rolling around, acting cute, stealing our hearts, and reaping the rewards.

The cats have lied in wait. And now they’re getting paid.

Water Cooler Chat

Time for the self-employed guy to chat with cyberspace.

Why do the homeless sleep on the bus stop benches?  Are they comfortable?
Ok, this Bonnie chick, the one that lies over the ocean and the sea. Somebody please bring her back, it’s been 40 years.
Saw an ad for a Cat Show coming up, but I couldn’t tell if it was felines doing Cats the musical or if they had their own thing.

If our bodies change to evolve, will people’s thumbs start getting smaller to make texting easier?

Potato chips are made from potatoes, corn chips are made from corn, why aren’t sun chips slices of the sun?