Just a White Guy

In 2010 I was a crew leader for the US Census. At every dwelling we had to go through the list of 15 different races so the resident could determine which category best described the individual. You could also write it in. And as the Census employee, you had to go through this list for all the members of the family.  So everybody got all kinds of choices, except for someone like me: just white.

Now I’m not complaining about the classifications and I’ve had no trouble adapting to the changes from the basic descriptions of individuals as black, yellow or brown when I was a kid to African-American, Asian-American or Hispanic American. I’m all for respect. But how about some love for us milk-toast, cracker folk?

How come we never got any sub-categories? How come no one ever took a moment to think that maybe we don’t want to be called white?  We didn’t even get caucasian on the 2010 Census!

Personally I prefer tan. And in fact, wish that I had more Italian blood so my skin would be more olive. It looks better when you’re bald. There are gradients, the only real white people are the Irish. And they sure wouldn’t want to be included with the French. From what I hear, nobody wants to be included with the French. At least that’s what I learn watching British TV shows.

Why is there no European-Americans classification to distinguish oneself from the Scandinavian-Americans. You’d have a better menu to choose from if you could automatically identify the former. And wouldn’t the marketing geniuses like to target the Redhead-Americans from the Blonde-Americans since there’s no photos on the Census. Hello Coppertone, time to lobby government, 2020 will be here before you know it.

So next time I’m going to remember to write it in. Italian-Norwegian-Polish-Middle Class Suburban-Moved to the City-SBF 15-American.