It Could be Simpler Times

peaceI often hear people talk about how it “used to be” and I catch myself sometimes complaining like an old man, in my head, without offering any real solutions. But I do think that as we age in this technical world we do lose much of the innocence of childhood and perhaps we need to learn to retain a little of that.

For men it comes down to one thing—boobies. We just need to be able to say the word more often and in their presence. Not as a symbol of the objectification of women, but the release of the pent up twelve year old that forever lives in our head. We like boobies, we like looking at boobies, and we like saying words like “boobies.” Give men the opportunity to point at and say “boobies” on a more regular, accepted basis and I guarantee you will create greater gender equality and stop harassment.

For women, well I just don’t want to say. I’ve learned not to say how women should act and I don’t want to be single forever so I don’t want to turn anyone off.

Ok, fine. Actually I think women should hit men more often. Not to hurt us, but like when you punched the boy at recess that you liked. We are confused by you in this “advanced” society and we don’t know if this is the generation that likes doors opened for you or finds that insulting. Punch us and tell us what you want. It’ll probably make everything clear and end the compensation discrimination.

More importantly than any separate suggestions are the three things we should all do for happier healthier lives for us all.

  1. Skip more often. It’s great exercise, you can’t help but smile while you’re doing it, and all the release of self-consciousness is the equivalent of everyone poops.
  2. Eat more peanut butter & jelly and ice cream. Just find yourself ridiculously happy with the simple. It’s so easy.
  3. Have a tantrum in public. We should be allowed to drop to the floor and wail like a baby when we’re not happy. Just get it out, loud and proud, and then get over it. We’re gonna stop wars that way.

That’s my thoughts, got any to add?

The Modern Child



Having just passed the one year mark with my blog yesterday I got to thinking about kids. The above photo of me I used on my magician’s website with the caption “Destiny” since the pose and costume seemed to map out the future of an illusionist when in fact I was reaching for someone or something because I was tired of bouncing up and down next to that chair.

That was a simpler time. My mom probably didn’t freak out because I wasn’t walking by nine months. I have spent the majority of my adult life teaching or entertaining kids and I have watched the changes of expectations and demands placed on them. Up until the age of five, when we went to kindergarten, we had one thing on the agenda-playing. Now that’s not to say my mom and dad didn’t read to us, teach us numbers or letters, I in fact don’t remember; I remember the playing part. We even got time to play and nap in kindergarten. I don’t think that happens anymore.

I am amazed when I have done shows at Montessori schools to see what and how their learning. I just wonder if it’s too fast. When I was teaching gymnastics, a parent in the mom and tot’s class asked if I would write a letter of recommendation for her child’s pre-school entrance application. I was about 24, clueless as to what that would look like, and luckily spared because I was not high enough on the food chain and my name could not be connected with the school on a document like that. I don’t know if the director actually did it or now, but all I could think was what to write.

“When he says ‘chase me’ I do. And he runs.”

“His ability to connect laughing with being tickled is right on track with his development.”

“His (literal) grasp of the bar shows an advanced grip position and strong promise in his confidence and ability to problem solve.”

When I’ve heard my friends talk about their children’s schedules of soccer games and practices and extracurricular activities, I’m tired just listening. I don’t know if it will produce better children because they can run circles around most adults on the computer by the time they’re in first grade. The fact is that those kids that I taught in my early 20s are just now getting out of college and becoming part of the work force and society. As we well know, many people do not address emotional issues from their childhood until well into their adulthood when they can afford therapy and have finally reached a point where they can say they don’t approve of what their parents did.

So will that generation and the ones that follow that are getting even more technology and demands into their lives become amazing leaders, thinkers and doers? Or will one day will all of them collectively drop to the floor, on their stomachs, kicking their legs and beating their fists and crying like the little kids they never got to be?

I don’t know, but if it happens, I hope they want to read and laugh. I’ll be there.

What’s To Become of the Sack Lunch?


Hostess you’re not thinking about the children. What will fill their sack lunches for school, camp and field trips? Do you think they can really survive on a sandwich and a piece of fruit?

Everyone had their favorite. Ho-Hos, Ding Dongs, Twinkies, Cupcakes, Fruitpies. Seldom did anyone finish the whole pastry as they went straight for the chemical-filled cream and fruit filling. There are going to be millions of children going through withdrawal because their bodies can not be immediately cut off of that chemical! We’re going to have to form 12 step meetings to deal with all of this. I guess it will be called HA.

But more importantly, if no company buys Hostess once it goes bankrupt think of all the fun stolen from their fingers. They won’t be able to peel the top off the cupcake and just eat the icing, that’s the only good part. Wont’ be able to split a Twinkie top from bottom and lick out the cream filling. And what about the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that will have to remain square instead of being squished into a ball now that there’s no Wonder bread?

Hostess, bakers, your financial situation is tough. But are you sure you can let this go? Are you sure there’s nothing you can do for the kids? Pleas try.