Scenes From A Train Part 3: The Bus

I’m off the train and passed my gas into the bushes. I’m on the bus now to Burbank for my early show for the library. Yesterday I was at their downtown library and was disappointed. Not in the show but I didn’t get to my joke. Johnny Carson used to always refer to “beautiful downtown Burbank” on the Tonight Show and I’ve thought of referencing that for weeks. But it turns out they get so many kids the parents can’t stay; there’s not enough room. So I tell the librarian about my missed opportunity. She reminds me that these parents aren’t that old so they wouldn’t have gotten it either. Ouch. That reminds me I just discovered that my elbows are really dry and scaly and crackly. When the hell did I get old man elbows? Someone thought I was fifteen years younger last night. Oh well you’re as old as you feel so I’m a hundred and two.

My friend insisted I take his car yesterday so here’s scenes
from that commute:

F*ck. F*ck. F*CK!!! The g*d d*mn GPS said 43 minutes! Road work?! There is none! Why are you idiots slowing down?!

So much calmer today. The bus driver is so nice I’m worried he’s been drinking. But they are a lot nicer than I remember Chicago drivers being, but I hadn’t been on the bus there since the 80s so maybe it was a union mandate for the 21st Century.

Everyone’s so nice on this bus and I’m so glad I’m not grumpy. I should understand: many of the people headed downtown probably don’t like their jobs. I’m headed to make a couple hundred kids and their parents laugh. Life is good. Enjoy your day.