Scenes From A Train Part 2

I’m writing this underground on the second train of today’s commute so it will post at North Hollywood. No seats so I’m standing. I feel guilty. A tiny Hispanic woman kept pushing at my bag and me as she tried to get by everyone to get down the escalator and onto the train to a job she probably hates. Twice I asked her, nicely, to please stop pushing. Finally I elbowed her over the side. I’m pretty sure she was ok: she landed on her over-sized bag and her eyes were open.

There’s a woman staring at me. At least I think she’s staring at me, she’s wearing sunglasses so I can’t see her eyes. I’m pretty sure she’s staring at me because I have no tattoos. She’s covered in them. There’s one across her chest and I want to read what it says but I don’t want her to think I’m looking at her boobs. Wait a sec, she got it there. She had to have lay there for hours while the tattoo guy did it. Maybe it was her boyfriend so it was ok. Maybe it says “howdy” because she has friendly boobs? Maybe it says “I’m up here” with an arrow pointing to her eyes so she can catch guys with her feminist ways? I better not chance it, I figure women that can withstand the pain of getting all those tats likes to inflict it. I’ll look the other way.

The Red Line heads to Hollywood so there’s always interesting characters. There’s Purple Guy I see a lot: completely dressed in purple including the large feather in his fedora. He’s either really a pimp or played one on a 70s cop show and the never got another gig and these are the only clothes he owns. Today there’s a drag queen, African-American, thin with vey taut muscles wearing a silver lame (please put the accent in, I don’t know how to find it on the iPhone) dress that shows off his/her legs. How do you say it? I would assume he’d rather be called she, I mean she would rather not be called he. You get it. I wish the Hispanic woman from the Blue line had gotten on because I think she should give silver girl her jeweled iPhone, it would look really good with the dress. And her copy of Ebony! And I bet the transvestite would have hair tips for the other woman.

Oh crap I have to fart. Oh man, this is embarrassing. I can feel it’s not going to be silent. Or odor free. Oh jeez and there’s a stop and a half. What do I do? Think about baseball. Oh no that’s for sex. What if I don’t let it out? I think farts are funny so I tend to let them loose and then laugh. Does it build up until it comes out my mouth? Or nose? Eeekkks. I’m saved. North Hollywood. More later.

Chance of Rain: 100%


It’s Wednesday, which means this self-employed guy has to use all of you for his water cooler talk and submit my random thoughts.

Why can we pay bills online, they’re even paying for things with smart phones now, but the laundromat change machine won’t accept a slightly wrinkled $1 bill?

Why are they making dryer sheets so heavy now no one can pick them up and carry them to the garbage?

Boy I have been out of touch working so much at home on this web design gig. I did not know that it was now common speaking style to use f*ck every other word. Every one was speaking that way at the laundromat and I felt so out of touch. I guess it replaced using “like” every other word here in Southern California.

Note to self’s mental health self: Never forget your earphones when doing laundry at the laundromat.

Yesterday I chased an ice cream truck for ten blocks only to discover it was just a white van driven by a guy with an ice cream truck ring tone.

Do they make “Really Great Glue?” Because every time I open a Super Glue, it glues it self shut and I only get that one use.

I’m really strong. I break rubber bands every time I stretch them.

There is currently no better candy in the world than pretzel M& M’s. They are a sweet salty sensation. And they make me poetic.

If the chance of rain is 100%, why is it still a chance?

My best friend from second grade, Ian Brown, still hasn’t found me.