And God said…

 

A short film about God.

Fade in:

EXT MISTS AND NOTHINGNESS

God: Hello.  Hello.  Is any one out there?

God snaps his fingers and there is light.

God: Ah, better. But still nothing.

Cut to:

EXT DAY TWO

God: Need some color. Blues good, I like blue.

God waves his hand and creates the sky and sea.

God: Good I could use a swim. and some color.

God jumps in the ocean.

God: Ok, where do I lie down?

And God creates land.

Cut to:

EXT DAY THREE

God: Man I gotta get out of the sun.

Cut to:

EXT DAY FOUR

God creates the stars, moons and Happy Hour.

God: Man I need some action.

Cut to:

EXT DAY FIVE

God created every living creature of the seas and every winged bird, blessing them to multiply and fill the waters and the sky with life.

God: Now that’s what I’m talking about. Hey guys, guys, guys! Oh right they can’t talk or let me pet them.

Cut to:

EXT DAY SIX

God created the animals to fill the earth. On day six, God also created man and woman  in his own image to commune with him. He blessed them and gave them every creature and the whole earth to rule over, care for, and cultivate.

Cut to:

EXT DAY SEVEN

God is reclining in a lounge chair.

God: Who da man?

Cut to:

INT HEAVEN GOD’S OFFICE

God sits in a large office chair surveying a dozen monitors. On one three punk girls are being jailed for protesting. On another trouble in the Middle East is being broadcast while two more play violence in Korea and Africa. The other eight show rhetoric of the United States Presidential race.

God puts his head between his hands.

God: Oh crap why didn’t I stop on Thursday.

A Message from God

 

Hello.  Hello. Is this on? Can you all hear me down there? STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING.

Good. Just listen for a second and then you can get back to totally ignoring all the things I created and go back to obsessing over Twitter.

I just had to speak up because of this whole chicken thing. Dan Cathy of Chick-Fil-A: first off silly name. Second I never said that a marriage is between a man and a woman. No one’s ever talked to me. That’s just what someone wrote way back when in a book. And then it got misinterpreted through the ages. That’s the Word of God as interpreted by someone else.

Here’s the fact. I made everything and then that was that. I made a deal with myself that I would create the Heavens and Earth and then sit back and see what happens. I’m not ready to intervene yet.

I mean My Me. There are far more blunders you all have made that I should have intervened in and given my opinion. In the last 100 years there’s been that guy with the little mustache, the guy with the turban and let’s not forget what the guy did to my only son. Cause he certainly won’t let me forget it!

And they’re all in the name of what people think I say.

Wronnnnng.

And really if I had such an opinion about homosexuality don’t you think I would have done something about the Catholic priests and their proclivities?

And before you all hug yourselves thinking you’re right, Dan Cathy can say whatever he wants to say. You’re not better than he. You didn’t win. You all need to express your opinions, take them in, offer yours and do it all without hurting anyone, judging anyone and causing the media to obsess over it. Because that just breeds more misinterpretation and silly debate. And you do not need that down there. The only things that you should be doing are trying to love each other more and oh, yeah, Gore was right. Figure that mess out and reverse it cause it stinks up here.