Today Could Really Suck


For one of two gentlemen, this night could turn out to be the lousiest night of their life. Somebody’s gotta lose.

That must really be a tremendous letdown to finish second. After eighteen months or so of babies drooling, people telling you how bad their life is and how you need to fix it, eating cheese in Wisconsin even though it backs you up and you spend the entire flight in the bathroom…NOTHING. ¬†You go home and lick your wounds; in Romney’s case you start drinking, and you think about whether you could do it again.

There’s probably only one person who can really relate: the athlete that pulls a hammy in the Olympic trials. That would be the only one that would know total dedication to something and then the ultimate disappointment until four years from then when you might be able to try again.

It’s different for the two candidates. At least Obama would have had his term. But really you don’t get to do your job until the second term; you are after all inheriting so much from the previous dude. (Wish I could say “or dudette”) Still, it must be like a woman who works while her man goes through eight years of medical school, only to have him walk away two weeks before the wedding because he discovers a younger woman wants him as well. All that planning and then you don’t get to see it through. Stupid little prick (and I mean that literally.)

Man I can’t sleep nights worried about my not being able to pay bills. I can’t imagine how it must feel worrying about the national debt. So much to think about, so much to do, so many opinions you’ve been listening to, so many things to rebut, work work work work. And then, the other guy wins.

That’s gotta suck.

How To Vote

Every election I think that I should learn about all the facts, all the candidates, all that they stand for; so that I can make intelligent decisions in the voting booth. And then something good shows up in my Hulu queue.

I think the problem is that I wait until too close to the election. And at that point, the ridiculousness of the campaigns, with negative tactics and silly quotes, have made me want to puke. Or as my dad says, move to Norway. Is it really going to matter if I vote? If I don’t, will the country really change? I am going to vote, I do feel the responsibility, but I really just know who I’m voting for as President. The rest is just too much to learn and I’ve got work to do.

Here in California, they have a lot of propositions, many of them very interesting, and it seems like your vote really can count. Because they are determined by the number of votes and not the fact that the people elect the electorates to the electoral college and then they party like crazy because that’s what you do in college. I think that’s how it works; I learned in seventh grade and I was drooling in my head over pretty girls in class.

The trouble with the propositions is that they call them “props.” Being a magician since I was ten years old, the word prop refers to the box or bag that makes something disappear. So every time I see a commercial for a “prop” I think about the box that used to make my bunny appear. Since he had to sit in the secret compartment for forty minutes until the end of the show, I was always worried that I’d open the box and the rabbit wouldn’t be alive. The kids would scream and cry and I would be banned from the magic circuit by PETA and I’d become a mime, because the devastation would be too much for me and I would never want to speak again. I’d have to move to France because that’s the only place that really likes mimes and I’d end up smoking cigarettes and eating too many really cheesy dishes and then I’d be a fat mime and non one wants to see a fat mime so I’d just be the only white-face homeless person.

Where was I? Oh yeah voting. So maybe I should vote. I know who I want to vote for for President but I think I’ll do the rest like a multiple choice test that you haven’t studied for: Democrat. Republican. Republican. Republican. Democrat. Democrat. etc.

I’m just kidding. I don’t know if your vote really counts or if government can really change no matter who gets elected; it seems like a big machine that can’t really be re-wired. But I do believe that the real change that can happen in the world does have to come from each man and woman looking in the mirror and so maybe if we all take this election a little more serious that will inspire us to work for what we can each do as individuals. Hey I’m a writer and a performer. I’m a dreamer.