The Science of Farting

fart

 

 

Boys love farts. That never changes no matter how old they get. I”m also convinced that girls think farts are just as funny, they’re just often brought up to say how childish it is by their well-meaning mothers.

But they might be able to surpass that opinion if they could only appreciate the science of farting. Think about it, it is often that your finger must be pulled in order to fart. How is that connected? It’s utterly amazing. And how often must we lift one butt cheek in order for the fart to occur? I there some sort of bio mechanics involved that the twisting is necessary? And lastly think about the science of lighting your farts. That the gas produced could cause this tremendous flame to be ignited is simply a miracle of the natural world.

The other thing that might sway more women to be more accepting of the fart is its artistic merit. And that brings us to Le Petomane.

Joseph Pujol, or Le Petomane, was a French flautist, or professional farter, who performed in the late 1800s and beyond in places as famous as the Moulin Rouge. He made sound effects of cannon fire and thunderstorms, played the ocarina and was able to extinguish a candle from several feet away. He actually passed air and not intestinal gas, but it still proves the power of the butt and it is something to be revered.

So us boys should be looked at in a different light, we are not just merely giggling at the sound and the smell, but admiring the art and science of the fart.

In Praise of Farts

Be warned: THIS IS GOING TO BE SILLY.

If you just recently started following me because of my Freshly Pressed post Evolution of a Friend, and you prefer the more heart-warming yet funny side, just come back tomorrow. I will not be going all Monty Python on you; I’m just feeling rather silly.

And I don’t think enough is said about farts. Those lift up your butt cheek, pull my finger little expellations (yep made it up) that can cause a five year old to fall over laughing.┬áNow, I don’t have a fetish; I don’t follow people in the hopes that they’ll let one go and I can smell it. I’ve never lit one nor seen a flaming explosion as the result of lighting one.

I just think they’re funny.

And come on, who doesn’t? That our butts can toot is proof that God has a sense of humor. And if God does not exist, it proves that Science is funny. Either way, it’s a great noise, it doesn’t hurt anybody, and it usually makes everyone laugh.

Plus, it’s the great equalizer.

Everybody farts. Just like everybody poops. But unlike pooping, which after the age of three, is usually done in private, farts most often come out in public. When we don’t want them to. Yes, farts can expose our indiscretions and tame our egos. Who out there has not eaten something they shouldn’t; be it refried beans, peanuts, fried foods, and not been “outed” by the public fart. It’s your body telling you not to eat that. It’s not for you. Yet we insist and it persists. Give it the wrong fuel and out comes the gas. Too much drip and let her rip. Eat a slice of cheese and cut the cheese. You get the picture.

But even stronger than the fart’s desire to expose our unwillingness to work with our bodies is its desire to balance our egos.

Any time that you think too much of yourself, are too worried about some silly really insignificant thing in the scope of your life-you’ll fart. It will embarrass you, surprise you, force you to lie and say it wasn’t you; but it will also humble you. It will put you back in the human race where everybody’s got problems and everybody has that happen to them. And it doesn’t matter.

Everybody farts.

Water Cooler Talk 8-30-12

Weekly water cooler talk for the self-employed, no one to talk to so it goes out to cyberspace. Please feel free to comment, it would be nice to talk to someone other than myself.

That a company that delivers portable toilets is called Oui Oui Enterprises makes me laugh out very loud.

Santa oversees production and the elves make toys all year, what do the reindeers do? Just play their reindeer games, the lazy sob’s?

If you keep farting, can you blow up your underwear like a balloon?

If you Journey to the Center of the Earth are there upside down fountains?

I’m surprised the dove is the symbol of peace. I had doves as a boy magician and they pooped all over the place, threw their cage fillings haphazardly and cooed all night long. Kind of the opposite of peace. Then again it was caged. But then again then again that’s how we like our peaceful people to be, quiet and contained.

 

I saw a sign that read “No Dogs Allowed During Concerts and Festivals.” Makes sense, they might touch someone inappropriately, puke up something they ate, pee where they’re not supposed to and bark too much when people are trying to listen. Humans would never do that.

Ok bear with me on this one. They have those accordion “blinds” things that you put on the inside of the front window of your car to keep the dash and interior from becoming too hot. Now in the movies “Cars” and “Cars 2” automobiles have feeling and personalities. So would they not like the tan lines?

According to wiki-answers the difference between momma and mama is “Mama is Spanish and is emphasized on the second syllable- maMA. Momma is MOMma.” I would say the difference is about 25 pounds.

Anybody watch The Republican National Convention? I didn’t figure they had anything new to say.
If fences are meant to keep people out, why is the nicer side facing out? I’d think it would make people think “I want to be in there.”