The Real Breakfast

There is currently a commercial playing for a restaurant serving a new dish, Cinnamon Swirl Brioche French Toast.  I don’t want to say the name of the establishment for fear of getting “words” from their legal department, but if I was playing charades the clue would be kangaroo.

It doesn’t really matter what the restaurant is or what the food is because this is about my trying to understand why people do things. It’s the topic I’m most fascinated by—how people think. And that’s one of the primo benefits of blogging–sharing my thoughts and seeing what others think.

In the commercial there are three couples pictured in a pristine restaurant enjoying this new dish and commenting on it. An entire blog could be devoted to the absurdity of this sugar coated, calorie stuffed breakfast dish that is contributing to the obesity of our society and the eventual catastrophic effects on our healthcare system but the simple fact that the overwhelming majority of the population doesn’t want to take responsibility and recognition of the effects of said food item on their physical and mental health makes it both funny and sad and therefore temporarily excuses the corporate chains. Phew. Let me catch my breath.

Ok, again, I’m teetering on getting too far away from my original intention. In this commercial there are three couples, a thirty-something couple consisting of a white dude and an asian woman, who look to me to represent the modern cool couple of mixed race, judging from his t-shirt he probably works in tech, and judging from her beauty, class and dress she’s corporate. But yeah, they would eat there.

Then there’s the African-american couple, very clean, very nice and intelligent, and sitting next to each other, not across, obviously in love. And yes, they would eat there, on their date night, without their kids.

And lastly there’s the slightly younger, can’t quite tell if they represent the hipsters or just slightly younger version of the first geek couple, but they both have glasses, a little bit unkempt hair and thrift store dress. And hell no, they would not eat there!

Unless it were four am and they were either drunk and thought french toast would still be good or they thought it would be “ironic.” I don’t think that any of the couples pictured would go there, only the actors portraying them because they really don’t have the disposable income because this is the only national spot they got this year and the residuals run out quick. Plus actors are by definition terrible with their money, so it’s already been spent.

I’m not dissing the place, I’ve gone there, will go there or similar again, but I want to know why they make commercials like this? Do they think those kinds of couples are going to watch and want to go?  Do they think the people that really love to go there but haven’t been for a while will want to go there because now cooler, more attractive people will be there? Do they think that the American public is that dumb, and in fact, is the American public that dumb? BECAUSE RESTAURANTS LIKE THIS ARE NOT FILLED WITH HAPPY, SMILING, ATTRACTIVE AND CLEAN PEOPLE.  Really, neither are expensive restaurants.

And it’s not just them. It’s the friendly staff at the superstore that I’ve never seen. It’s the polite, attractive and courteous patrons at the pharmacy I’ve never seen. And my favorite, it’s the people that eat too much fast food, drink too much beer, and take too many anti-depressants with too many side effects yet they’re ecstatic, living the perfect life, and in the case of the beer ads, getting all the really hot girls.

Having studied the history of magic as a performing art, I know that it’s time when the public gets too smart and the illusions have to get better. Come on folks, let’s all up our game.


Let Them Eat ?


On March 7, the #huffingtonpost published an article entitled “14 Fast Food and Restaurant Employees Confess the One Item You Should Never Order.”* Ok, this is pretty gross.

In this article, employees of the major fast food chains answered a question posed on Reddit “Fast food workers of Reddit, what should we NOT order at your restaurant? Why not?” The answers ranged from don’t order the popcorn for the first movie because it’s yesterday’s to the gunk machine that makes the drinks of McCafe.

Most of them were about cleanliness or food sitting around for a long time? So how does this logic work—did the people who are in charge of such decisions make their policies when they were still young college students jumping on the gold mine that was fast food? Because I could see that, I mean just like all the tech geniuses that make their fortune before they’ve even graduated it would make sense that the guys that built McD’s, Wendy’s and Taco Bell would have been that age when they first started and we all know boys in their twenties don’t know anything about cleaning anything?

Or is it that the people that buy fast food have the mentality of someone in their early 20s, basically who cares as long as it’s there when I want it. Now I don’t want to sound condescending, because I’m guilty sometimes as well, but after reading this I’m thinking that whole non-processed food thing I’ve procrastinated about is looking pretty great.

But most importantly, how does this get past the government officials and the inspectors and the owners themselves, now that they can afford to have dinner flown in from Brazil (I’m betting that’s what the owner of Taco Bell does instead of eating their beans described as “start out looking like cat food, and the directions are, ‘Add water and stir until you can’t see white anymore.'”*

Hmm. Let’s see.

Health Inspector: I’m afraid this is completely unacceptable.

Franchise Owner: Grumble grumble grumble, flashing green.

Health Inspector: And by unacceptable, I mean how can you charge so little?

Let’s face it. It’s all of our faults, not theirs. Cause we keep buying it. We eat a burrito, sit on the toilet all afternoon and swear we’re not going to do it again, and then we’re back for it. Our taste buds get anesthetized to stale popcorn because we don’t have enough fresh fruits and veggies to compare it to. It’s like someone with a drinking problem blaming a beer company for the commercials with the hot girls that caused us to open up can after can until the one containing the genie to make that wish happen.

But man why can’t the owners have any pride. I made homemade spaghetti and meatballs for a couple of buddies recently and one showed up with store bought garlic bread. Come on man, you didn’t think a guy that was half-Italian was going to make it fresh? Are the people that came up with the ideas for these places just happy that they came up with something that works and who cares what’s in it? Come on, that’s Congress’ job.


The Economy of Obesity



One of the more interesting developments of the troubled US economy is the expanding of America’s waistline. And it can be summed up in three words: Two for One.

The Great Depression

If you look at newsreels and photos from the Depression of the 30s, everyone was skinny. Unless that was because black and white film, unlike color, took away ten pounds unlike the current color film that adds ten pounds, which has made way too many actresses have way too many eating disorders. But really I don’t think so, I think there just wasn’t a lot of food. Of course, we were seeing the “best of”, excuse me “worst of” photographs that documented that time, but I’m pretty sure things weren’t good.

That’s because they didn’t have fast food.

In my travels, I have not seen a single fast food chain that didn’t tout some kind of 2 for 1 deal. That means that we’re consuming two sandwiches when one would take care of not only the requirements for that meal, but at the very least, take care of a few of those pesky in-between meal snacks. So two sandwiches would fill us up for the whole day. And that means just one thing: nap time. I don’t know about you, but if I eat a whole lot I would much rather sit and watch television as opposed to pounding the pavement trying to interview and tell bosses that I am the “man for the job.” I’d much rather unbutton my pants.

Now maybe I’m just a little guy, so I can’t consume as much and no one else can see this situation. But based on the TV ads for “combos”, that looks like it would take out at least 3/4 of the population, setting them into a recliner where, maybe, they would look for a job online. That is, if they have one of those tray thingys for their laptop because a big ole belly is just not stable.

So how can we blame the government for the current economic climate when we don’t feel like doing anything?

Now I understand both the consumer and the suppliers point of view. I take that back, I will never understand corporations. That’s because I have too much common sense. But I do understand the need to keep people’s jobs and so reducing their prices and using ways to get people in, preying on their need for value and their lack of understanding of how these sugars and sodiums work on our brains and…

Oh there I go again. Sorry, didn’t mean to get on a soapbox. Again, just don’t understand corporations. Why couldn’t they just have given the discount all along and charged the lower gas prices all along. But I’m a stupid idealistic boob who still believes that people can “wake up” and understand how easy it would be to just work together, man. It would be like so cool if, like we could just learn to only take what we need. And give back to each other in the ways that we need. Using the sun and the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars and peace will guide the planet and love will steer the stars, this is the dawning of the age-

Ahem. Sorry. Anyways big business does have to do their thing blah blah blah and of course I don’t want to see anyone lose their job: those uniforms are really stylish.

And I understand the consumer side. We all want some value right now. I get fast food. I don’t eat a lot of it. But that has more to do with the fact that five bucks buys me veggies enough to make juice for days. And I like that stuff. But that was a slow process. I will tell you this: I likes my snacks. And if there’s a day that I do a little pigging out on my favorites: like say pretzels and Fritos scoops, where you break off a piece of the big Dutch pretzel, put it in the little scoop and then dip it in the french onion dip with your Ben and Jerry’s pint next to you as well cause, hello, you have to have sweet with salty…I ain’t doing much the whole day. Whereas the buzz from those things, what are they called, nutrients, and I’m learning HTML5 and creating some bad-ass websites.

So America, let’s at least balance out the week! Fruits and veggies a couple of times a week. And slim down and get some work done. Save the munching for your day off. Then go have whatever you want and sit and watch TV. It is football season.



Water Cooler 8-22-12

Weekly water cooler talk for the self-employed, no one to talk to so it goes out to cyberspace. Please feel free to comment, it would be nice to discuss.

Do all the ants stepped on, spiders squished in a tissue and flies swatted get revenge in their next life?

Was the first person who ever held up a lighter at a music concert just looking for someone?

Anyone else think palm trees look like lazy Christmas trees? “I don’t wanna stand out straight!”

When they merged Taco Bell and KFC together why didn’t they just give it a new name: Oh Crap
Why can’t they make a dust pan that gets everything? There’s always a little bit that just won’t get up there.
If a mime dies in the forest, does he make a sound?  (Happy Birthday Chris!)


You Can’t See Me

Water cooler chat for 7-25-12

Why are so many people wearing camouflage shorts and pants; who are they hiding from?

I understand that people are upset about the balance of
Money in this country, but what do they expect, the rich to go door to door with a stack of $100s?

What happens when they start running out of meats to pile on burgers; will they add more veggies?

Especially since Mrs. Obama is all for healthy kids, why doesn’t Obamacare include a tax credit for those families that don’t eat at Fatburger?

Tobacco spelled backwards is Occabot. I think that reeks of an alien cyborg society that introduced cigarettes to wipe out humans.

How come Uhaul never spun off Wehaul for the lazy?

How does Radio Shack still exist? Don’t see a lot of call for radio-controllers cars or CBs anymore.

Somebody give those Angry Birds some ice cream. Nobody stays mad with ice cream.

If you remove one store out of a strip mail do the rest fall over?

How slow did food used to be served?