The Winds of Change

The winds of change certainly seem rather still, don’t they? Actually more like blowing in the other direction, or sucking in instead of blowing out.

When I see a headline about Obama ordering air strikes I just can’t help wonder—um hello— we’re still fighting all over this world in 2014? No one’s immune, no one’s better. Everyone’s doing it. I just have a little trouble thinking that humans are the most evolved species.

Shouldn’t we be done?

I am so naive, here’s my logic: what if you took all the brain power that’s being used strategizing, executing, and cleaning up after fighting and put it to a different use for, say, I don’t know, Scrabble? Of course there’s more important things like world peace, but I don’t want to suggest an entire one hundred and eighty degree shift overnight. Let’s start slow and just play Scrabble. It will use critical thinking and still involve something of a “battle.” After all, you can’t play Scrabble alone.

And then while all the world leaders are playing Scrabble, we grab up all the scientists that work on the technology of war and bring them over to another lab where they work on the growing global warming problem. It’s the magician in me—look at the left hand waving about while the right does the dirty work.

I guess that’s the other thing that’s too much in me—magic. The kid that loves Willy Wonka doesn’t understand why the world isn’t a nicer place yet. But the adult in me is a big fan of Wallace Wattle’s writing who says “the world is just as it should be, becoming greater.”

I just wonder when.

I Can Kick Your A$$

On yesterday’s Huffington Post front page there was an article about short celebrity men and how their size might surprise you. I took it as a guide to which celebrity’s a$$ I could kick.

Now I’m not a bully and I have never really had a problem with being short. So what if I’m too inches short of the 5’9″ average? It’s worked out well for me in my interest in gymnastics, magic, juggling, and really small cars. But occasionally the half-italian side of me wants to flaunt some machismo. Not as much as when I drank, but occasionally. And when I saw this article, the olive oil just started oozing. So in order of smallest to biggest-

Danny DeVito 5″0-

Oh no I can’t hit Louie. Sorry not the first one. Plus he’s Italian.

Prince 5’2″-

No, I don’t think so. That’s like breaking a Hummel figurine, it’s too pretty.

Michael J. Fox 5’4″-

Yeah right, I’m gonna be the guy to beat up Michael J. Fox, bravely and publicly fighting a debilitating disease.

Seth Green 5’4″-

Hmmm. Maybe.

Bruno Mars 5’5″-

Actually, I kind of like his singing.

Daniel Radcliffe 5’5″-

He’d probably slip on the Harry Potter glasses right before I tried to.

Jon Stewart 5’6″-

Before I get on his show. Uh, no.

Macaulay Culkin 5’7″-

Same height. Fair Fight. Now this I think I could do. Get that Home Alone expression right back on his face when he doesn’t know what hit him.