Punxsutawney Bob, second cousin of Punxsutawney Phil, made famous in the film “Groundhog Day”, has announced that this February 2nd, all groundhogs will be on strike.
With the entire Punxsutawney clan having been raised in captivity for years, they finally wisened up to the service they provide and the retroactive wages they are due. Bob said in a statement “there are hundreds, maybe thousands, I don’t know it’s hard to count on these claws, people on TV reporting the weather, getting paid lots of money to make their fur look the way it looks. And their forecasts are completely unreliable. We’ve hit 96%.”
It’s a simple matter of getting what’s due.
The GHU (Groundhog Union) simply wants to be reimbursed for their time and accuracy. They think they deserve a couple of nice nights out at some of the fancier raw food eateries and they want security beefed up for their brethren who are still out in the wild trying to ditch the wolves, coyotes, foxes, bobcats, bears, large hawks and dogs that want to eat them.
A famous southern groundhog, General Beauregard Lee, opposes the Union.
General Lee does not want any intervention and believes that the groundhogs can live any way they want and should not be influenced by any government or corporate agenda. His stand is that the groundhogs themselves should take over the unveiling of the future of winter and allow the lesser of the population deliver the message while they remain safely ensconced in their burrows. They will sell their prediction for a set amount and take care of their own property and concerns.
He’s got a small but loyal following but officials are working with the Union in an attempt to come to an agreement by midnight tonight so the brightest and best of the groundhogs will still perform their duty and see if they see their shadow.