Jesus Christ: Two Time Loser?


I mean no blasphemy whatsoever, I am a big fan of Jesus Christ’s teachings. I just started to think about Christmas and the celebration of Jesus’ birth which most concede was not December 25— that guy could not catch a break!

He is the original looked over child. Researchers disagree on the actual birth date, but all evidence of my investigation (one page of Goole links) proves that they all agree it wasn’t what we now consider Christmas and he was just lumped into the winter solstice and Saturnalia festival. Wow! I know kids are mad at their parents when they get gipped out of gifts because their birthday falls too close to Christmas, but this guy’s dad let them change the date so it was more convenient.

Ouch. That’s gotta hurt. And now that we mention hurt, he had to go through that whole cross thing and then this? I mean, if they needed to change the date to accommodate something, or they just thought snow was pretty, then fine. But come up with a special date for the guy, don’t lump it in with another holiday. Heck we give kids stuff because they lose a tooth, I would think he could get his own day for dying for our sins.

And think about it, not even in Heaven does he get the attention he deserves. If the movie It’s a Wonderful Life or A Christmas Carol is to be believed, all the rest of the angels are busy doing angel stuff, rescuing lost souls and trying to right mean people. And come on, if the whole Santa Claus thing is mapped out, I think there’s a lot of divine intervention involved in making that whole toy delivery system happen.

And there’s Jesus, probably sitting in his room in an IKEA version of the manger with too many lights on it. Doodling pictures of God with a slash through him and writing things like “The Almighty doesn’t love me” and “Never mind forsaken, how about forgotten?” Or maybe just playing with a yo-yo because he believes in simple things.

We need to think of him, what he stood for, and not all the trappings. The guy had some good ideas, he deserves our respect and attention.




My Christmas Music is Boring



Right around this time of year my Inner Jukebox starts playing Christmas music. But what I’ve discovered over the last few days is that my selection is very boring.

It seems that I am tuned to a very poorly run station that really likes to repeat the same two songs. These songs are “Christmas Time is Here,” which I know from the Peanuts classic Christmas special and “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year,” which I know because, I guess, it was written the year after I was born so I’ve been hearing it since the formative years. That might also explain why I’m always very suspicious because the theme from the Pink Panther was also released that year.

Of course, it’s more likely I’ve heard the song a gazillion times and it brings up the warm-fuzzy feelings the Holidays inspire and I enjoy. I do like that people can seem a little nicer this time of year and say “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Holidays” instead of “Bwahh.”

So really I don’t have a complaint about the music selection, it’s just that I don’t know the lyrics so it’s really just the chorus that repeats over and over. Now one might say, “why don’t you look it up?” to which I would reply “why don’t you look it up?” because I would use the only defense possible when faced with an obvious question. But the thing is, I have, but they don’t stick.

Which is not like me, because I look up lyrics and I know a lot of songs. It’s just those two seem to be stuck. Oh well, things could be worse. At least I have two really nice things reverberating in my brain. So I’m good until the 26th.

Halloween: An Equal Opportunity Holiday


Halloween is anything and everything to every-body. Halloween does not discriminate because of age, gender or religion. Maybe that’s why so many people like it. You don’t have to ascribe to any certain doctrine or rules; you simply have to want to act like an idiot and eat & drink way too much. It’s like getting the good of every other holiday without the mother-in-law.

All the introverts turn into extroverts. The librarian becomes a sexy nurse and the accountant thinks he does a really good impression of Jack Sparrow (probably even believes he looks as good as Johnny Depp after a little rum.) Some spend exorbitant amounts of money on costume, make-up and other accouterments, while for some this is their creative moment of the year. The pencil pusher becomes DaVinci, with ingenuity and cardboard.

For over 25 years I’ve worn the same costume, that of a magician. I have entertained at hundreds of children and adult parties, from small house parties to hundreds of people at a city event. And I can tell you one thing with great certainty: there is no difference between the four year old wearing a costume jacked up on sugar and the forty year old wearing a costume jacked up on vodka. They’re both out of control. But it’s fun. Everyone is in good spirits for Halloween; it’s about imagination, it’s about being someone else for a day.

Halloween doesn’t ask you to go to church or to temple. It doesn’t ask that you decide if this is the year for your parent’s or your husband’s. It doesn’t ask that you stand in line for the latest toy or stress over getting the right gift for all seventeen people in your family. It doesn’t ask you to fast or pray, to cook and clean for hours, or use the good china. It just asks that you go to the grocery store and get some candy.

No one gets the day off and no one calls in sick the next day. Everyone shares the same fun experience on October 31 and shares the same hangover, from sugar or booze or both, on November 1. Halloween: the equal opportunity, non-discriminating, non-denominational, fun for the whole family (and the single folks too.)