The Wrong Drug is Illegal



Just got back from a mile walk and I was nearly hit by four drivers crossing the street. One old man in a black cadillac yelled at me to “pick it up” because I wasn’t crossing the street fast enough for his needs. I used Woody Allen’s old stand-up joke. I told him to “be fruitful and multiply, but not in those exact words.” Another  (#1) was inching impatiently for me to cross so she could turn right on red and the driver across from her (#2) started honking because the woman (#1) was not turning and the driver (#2) failed to notice me trying to cross the street in one piece. Then the driver (#3) behind the original driver (#1) started honking because #1 was still waiting for me and then I crossed the street and yelled at the driver (#3) to shut up and then he started yelling at me instead of moving but his windows were rolled up so I couldn’t hear what he said and then another driver (#4) came up behind him and started honking which was ironic because the guy (#3) hadn’t moved and now was being honked at and he was the original honker.


So what is it? Then I looked down at my hand and saw the coffee cup. I remember in high school we were told that coffee was a drug and we all laughed because every adult we knew drank it. We also knew that adults were cranky and crabby but we never connected the two because the teacher went on to describe all the bad drugs.

But it occurs to me that with all the attempts to legalize marijuana maybe we’ve got the wrong drugs legal and illegal. They both grow in the same types of areas and climates, yet seem to have very different effects. What would this morning have been like if, instead of coffee, the drivers would have had a cup of tea brewed with marijuana.

I’m thinking the old man would have said “Top of the Morning” to me…because he looked Irish. The woman who was very impatiently waiting for me to cross so she could turn right might have said “Wow I like your blue t-shirt, it’s really bright, it’s like the sky” and then the guy who was waiting for her would have noticed me walking and also noticed the Dunkin Donuts cup in my hand and said “Oh man, do they have the chocolate chip muffins this morning, they are soooo good.” And then instead of all of them honking at each other, they could have all pulled over and we could have just sat on the grass and talked.

Now one might argue that people are just in a hurry to get to work at this early hour. Well that’s going to completely change if marijuana is also served at the office. The employee runs in and the boss will say “whoa, whoa, what’s your hurry? We’ve got plenty of time to get to the work. Sit down, how’s the family?” Everybody will be much more interested in the little, beautiful things of every one’s lives.

Slow down, you’re moving too fast. At the very least, maybe everyone should switch to tea. Tea drinkers seem to be a lot more mellow.