Water Cooler Talk I

Being self-employed I don’t enjoy the chit-chat that happens at the water cooler. So as I refill my glass from the Brita, I put my random  thoughts out to you.
My seventh grade social studies teacher, while instructing us in the ways of the branches of government, told us that government was “by the people, for the people.” Oops.
Why do the people walking with other people, who are wearing ear or headphones, stand for it?
I just passed a Chinese food take-out that was open at 7:00am. You’re gonna be hungry in an hour, then how are you going to do your job? A donut would have lasted a lot longer.
If Sponge Bob Square Pants lives in the ocean he would absorb it all, so how come he doesn’t look like he took a dump in his shorts?
NOTE TO DRIVERS: That big, thick white line that comes before the stop sign is where you stop first, not pull over it ready to gun the engine like NASCAR.
If the Internet is wireless, why do we have to have things plugged in?
Note to cell phone manufacturers: you need to make them big again because people can’t be heard with the mouthpiece so far away now. Poor folks have to yell when they’re on the bus or in the grocery store.
So I just saw a video on CNN where the bride sang as she walked down the aisle and there was that cool one with the dance sequence. When is someone going to shove their hand up their groom’s behind and do a ventriloquism act?
The child obesity level is very high now and I’m hoping doctors have changed. Mine said my weight was fine as a pre-teen and that I would grow out of it, which led me to a life as a chubby teen with no girlfriends. But that guy was pushing 300 lbs. and smoked in the exam room. Let’s hope that only happens on Mad Men now.
I think bills should take a month or two off, then we’d appreciate them more.