Evolution of Abbreviation

Professor I.M. Board recently completed a 10 year study into whether or not the evolving of the use of abbreviations in our speech and communication has been an issue of the type of technology we’re using or a natural human evolution.

It’s a classic chicken or egg type of question and Prof. Board based his studies both on monitoring his control group on their email and texting messages as well as quarterly interviews.

He posits that our speech has changed due to the demands thrust upon us in modern times. We once had time and expressed ourselves through language and writing and so “Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo” has slowly dwindled to “Sup. Where u at?”

In a Huffington Post interview, he was asked to distill his findings.

“Well. We’re lazy.”

The Economy of Obesity



One of the more interesting developments of the troubled US economy is the expanding of America’s waistline. And it can be summed up in three words: Two for One.

The Great Depression

If you look at newsreels and photos from the Depression of the 30s, everyone was skinny. Unless that was because black and white film, unlike color, took away ten pounds unlike the current color film that adds ten pounds, which has made way too many actresses have way too many eating disorders. But really I don’t think so, I think there just wasn’t a lot of food. Of course, we were seeing the “best of”, excuse me “worst of” photographs that documented that time, but I’m pretty sure things weren’t good.

That’s because they didn’t have fast food.

In my travels, I have not seen a single fast food chain that didn’t tout some kind of 2 for 1 deal. That means that we’re consuming two sandwiches when one would take care of not only the requirements for that meal, but at the very least, take care of a few of those pesky in-between meal snacks. So two sandwiches would fill us up for the whole day. And that means just one thing: nap time. I don’t know about you, but if I eat a whole lot I would much rather sit and watch television as opposed to pounding the pavement trying to interview and tell bosses that I am the “man for the job.” I’d much rather unbutton my pants.

Now maybe I’m just a little guy, so I can’t consume as much and no one else can see this situation. But based on the TV ads for “combos”, that looks like it would take out at least 3/4 of the population, setting them into a recliner where, maybe, they would look for a job online. That is, if they have one of those tray thingys for their laptop because a big ole belly is just not stable.

So how can we blame the government for the current economic climate when we don’t feel like doing anything?

Now I understand both the consumer and the suppliers point of view. I take that back, I will never understand corporations. That’s because I have too much common sense. But I do understand the need to keep people’s jobs and so reducing their prices and using ways to get people in, preying on their need for value and their lack of understanding of how these sugars and sodiums work on our brains and…

Oh there I go again. Sorry, didn’t mean to get on a soapbox. Again, just don’t understand corporations. Why couldn’t they just have given the discount all along and charged the lower gas prices all along. But I’m a stupid idealistic boob who still believes that people can “wake up” and understand how easy it would be to just work together, man. It would be like so cool if, like we could just learn to only take what we need. And give back to each other in the ways that we need. Using the sun and the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars and peace will guide the planet and love will steer the stars, this is the dawning of the age-

Ahem. Sorry. Anyways big business does have to do their thing blah blah blah and of course I don’t want to see anyone lose their job: those uniforms are really stylish.

And I understand the consumer side. We all want some value right now. I get fast food. I don’t eat a lot of it. But that has more to do with the fact that five bucks buys me veggies enough to make juice for days. And I like that stuff. But that was a slow process. I will tell you this: I likes my snacks. And if there’s a day that I do a little pigging out on my favorites: like say pretzels and Fritos scoops, where you break off a piece of the big Dutch pretzel, put it in the little scoop and then dip it in the french onion dip with your Ben and Jerry’s pint next to you as well cause, hello, you have to have sweet with salty…I ain’t doing much the whole day. Whereas the buzz from those things, what are they called, nutrients, and I’m learning HTML5 and creating some bad-ass websites.

So America, let’s at least balance out the week! Fruits and veggies a couple of times a week. And slim down and get some work done. Save the munching for your day off. Then go have whatever you want and sit and watch TV. It is football season.