The Beginning of Time Part Two


On Tuesday I wrote The Beginning of Time Part One from a scientific viewpoint, today I write from a religious perspective on what one might think based on that education. You see, I remember having questions when we went to religious studies as a child, but unfortunately at that age they were trumped by “when do we get out of here?” So I thought I’d raise them now.

Ok, so according to what I learned, God made man in his image so let’s start there. First, off all the images of God I’d seen were a man with long white hair and a white beard. And all the images of Adam were much younger so was God creating man in the image of his former, svelter self? And if God is immortal why couldn’t he have just stayed like that? I’ve been living near Los Angeles for a few years now and all the celebrities know that people don’t pay as much attention to them as they get older, so why would the All-Knowing want to lose popularity among the key demographics?

Anywho, the blog was intended to be about what it would have been like to be alive at the beginning of time, the first one. And that would be Adam. Eve was to follow made from Adam’s rib and it seems like that just spells trouble for a couple  right off the bat. That had to hurt and it seems that it just sets up the relationship with a whole lot of resentment. Now there are two different versions, one where Adam and Eve were created simultaneously and one where she was second, and I tend to believe the latter. If God truly created man, I think he would have wanted to give his creation “some alone time.” Now I don’t want to suggest that he did anything inappropriate, but it would explain why Adam went for the apple and sin so easily.

But let’s step back for a second. In one description in the bible, God mad man out of dust and then blew breath into his nostrils. Whoa! If you want to blame drug addiction on genetics I think it goes back to that because I can not imagine beating that rush. Suddenly you are alive and you are looking for more of that life stuff. So Adam goes traipsing around and it’s pretty and all, but these other creatures got four legs, two legs, eight legs, no legs, and he’s just not feeling it. In this same story Adam is tasked with naming all the animals and well, that’s got to get old real fast, so then God creates woman. Ok, so he gets past the hurt like we already described but then hello Eve! Now there was no internet or dirty magazines at the time but I would believe that he knew what to do with what where and hello! life is ringing again.

Now I’m a man of inspiration, hopes and dreams, but I’m also a man. And if Eve looked so fine I think it’d be alright to just fool around, lay around and cuddle and then if she’d make me a sandwich, I’d be set. So what happened? Why didn’t it just stop there if everyone knows deep down inside it’s just all about love?

And God said…


A short film about God.

Fade in:


God: Hello.  Hello.  Is any one out there?

God snaps his fingers and there is light.

God: Ah, better. But still nothing.

Cut to:


God: Need some color. Blues good, I like blue.

God waves his hand and creates the sky and sea.

God: Good I could use a swim. and some color.

God jumps in the ocean.

God: Ok, where do I lie down?

And God creates land.

Cut to:


God: Man I gotta get out of the sun.

Cut to:


God creates the stars, moons and Happy Hour.

God: Man I need some action.

Cut to:


God created every living creature of the seas and every winged bird, blessing them to multiply and fill the waters and the sky with life.

God: Now that’s what I’m talking about. Hey guys, guys, guys! Oh right they can’t talk or let me pet them.

Cut to:


God created the animals to fill the earth. On day six, God also created man and woman  in his own image to commune with him. He blessed them and gave them every creature and the whole earth to rule over, care for, and cultivate.

Cut to:


God is reclining in a lounge chair.

God: Who da man?

Cut to:


God sits in a large office chair surveying a dozen monitors. On one three punk girls are being jailed for protesting. On another trouble in the Middle East is being broadcast while two more play violence in Korea and Africa. The other eight show rhetoric of the United States Presidential race.

God puts his head between his hands.

God: Oh crap why didn’t I stop on Thursday.