So Many Grinches

grinch

 

All Around Us

In Lands so Far

Live Grinches of All Shapes And Colors.

Some are Mad about Politics

Some are Mad about Rights

Some think Everyone Else is Wrong

And Some don’t Think at All.

There is Only One Thing We Can do

And that’s Sing with our Hearts So Full

Because it Will take All of Us Everywhere

To Get these Grinches to be Un-Mean.

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If I Were Mean…

Jack Russell Terror Snarling

Jack Russell Terrier Snarling — Image by © Royalty-Free/Corbis

I would stop every obese person walking into a restaurant and tell them to order a salad.

I would give every teenage boy who wears their pants too low a huge wedgie.

I would trip every guy who wore his gym shoes untied, just so he’d tie them. Especially anyone over the age of twelve.

I would take all the video games away from the baby mamas on the train and give them to their children where they belong.

I would flip off all the guys that gel their hair and make it look like it’s flipping me off, cause they’re being mean because I’m bald and can’t do that.

I would walk around the campuses of Harvard and Oxford and talk to myself out loud, ending each sentence with a preposition.

I would pretend someone was calling me and then talk really loud on my cell phone inches away from the face of the person that was doing it already.

I would poop on the shoes of the people that don’t pick up their dog’s waste.

I would stop every woman who was about to buy make-up and tell them they look more beautiful without it.

Ah, there’s the problem. I’m not mean, just think that way sometimes. I could do none of the above, although I’m going to build up the guts to do the last one.