Mother’s Day

In honor of Mother’s Day, I’m doing the adult blogger version of the homemade card. My mom’s favorite blogs are my Wednesday water cooler random thoughts so here is a special Mother’s Day version just for her.

If a mother were to simply scoop all of the peanut butter from every PB&J sandwich that she had ever made for her kids into one bowl, would the squirrels bow down as if she was their queen?

Similarly, if you lined up all the macaroni ever used to make a Mother’s Day card, you could set up a transportation system for ants to rival The Tube in London.

The modern holiday of Mother’s Day was first celebrated in 1908, when Anna Jarvis held a memorial for her mother in Grafton, West Virginia. I’ll bet she wished she signed a royalty agreement with Hallmark.

OMG, my mother is soooo old-fashioned. She never got on a reality show or made a “homemade” pornographic film and she was pregnant with me when she was nineteen. (Thank you.)

I paid attention in high school, I understand the difference between men’s and women’s bodies but what accounts for the fact that a mom can change a diaper from the get go and a dad is a gagging machine?

What’s the difference between Italian mothers and other mothers? You don’t want to leave the dinner table.

If moms and dads changed places, would the moms have to take their work colleagues to strip clubs?

Italian mother walks into a bar, bartender says what can I get you. She says garlic, onions, tomatoes, I haven’t cooked in three hours.

One day soon I’m going to be really rich and get my mom a dozen of what she really wants…shoes.

Knock Knock

Who’s there?


Mother who?

Mother’s Day and all I get is a blog. You are so going to be digging in the garden when you visit this summer.