The Aim of The Pigeon

I’m surprised that pigeons don’t wear goggles, because they really seem to be very well trained in their targeting of poop.

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A Conversation Between Angels LVIII

“What does it mean?”

“You don’t know?”

“No or I wouldn’t have asked”

“It means that the things that we think matter don’t, the fights we fought did not need to be fought and the only thing there is is love.”

“No not that, the sign over there-”

“What sign?”

“Remember, pigeons poop upside down.”

Birds Are Just Plain Rude

I can really understand that animals are basically not that fond of humans, seeing as we don’t really work with them in the whole eco-system. But what is with birds, they really seemed to be PO’ed?

We don’t really occupy the same spaces considering they’re flying most often. And I just don’t think their brains are big enough to figure out we are the ones responsible for airplanes, yet they instead on taking a dump on us as often as possible. Is that their version of hunting?

You know, dogs like to sniff around and find the sweet spot, cats like to bury their stuff, but not birds. They want to spread it around like they’re making a Jackson Pollack painting, getting it all colorful and splattered as wide as possible.

And then there’s pigeons. Pigeons are like little Italian guys who after a few drinks think they’re tougher than their size will produce. Pigeons will wait until the very last second to get out of your way, turning and looking at you and I presume flipping you off, you just can’t see it.

Here in Long Beach you see more seagulls than pigeons like I ran into in Chicago. But here’s a fact: seagulls are just well dressed pigeons. They’re like the guy who thinks he’s classier when he wears a tuxedo even though he still farts and doesn’t say excuse me. Seagulls don’t flip you off, they just look at you and then turn their heads away with a superior flair. But they do not have a sophisticated palate, they will eat the same trash the pigeons will, just slower.

I don’t get why birds take our human existence as such an insult. I don’t know if it’s passed down from generation to generation, I just always know to look up if you happen to catch a bird in flight in your sight. Cause they’re aiming for you.

A Conversation Between Angels VII

“I miss dirt.”

“What?”

“I miss dirt. I mean, I never liked white gym shoes when I was a kid now everything is nothing but shiny white.”

“Yeah it’s nice and clean.”

“Too clean if you ask me. I could go for a nice rain storm, track some mud all over these clouds and make this robe look like I’m wearing it instead of just buying it at Holy R Us.”

“The white keeps us all smiling and happy and glorious.”

“I want to ruffle some feathers, get them dirty too! Make a few of these perfect angels look like dirty city pigeons!”

“Wow, why are you so angry?”

“Because as it turns out all really is forgiven and I could have slept with Judy Sellars.”