I Don’t Like Mondays

Mondays usually don’t mean anything to me as part of the self-employed union. There is no weekend, there is no work week. But I woke up, fell back to sleep, and woke up cranky. So here goes, the cranky comedy. I promise it’s only temporary, a single day lapse. But I gotta get it out.

I hate little freakin yapping dogs. I want to kick them and see how far they can fly.

Why is everyone in Walmart so freakin fat and so freakin stupid? What is it about that store? Is it the little Rollover Price Guy? Does something hypnotize them to come and walk slowly through the store, unable to understand that there are others in the aisles and therefore they can’t push the cart that slow and so in the middle no one can pass, and then lure them straight to the Little Debbie’s aisle?

Why are so many white dudes (and I use that term loosely because they really aren’t) trying to look like Vanilla Ice and Eminem circa 1990 something? It was a dumb look then, it’s even dumber now. Get a mirror, turn the ball cap either all the way backwards or turn it the right way.

While I’m on men’s fashions, wearing long basketball shorts with slippers should only be worn by real basketball players in their freakin expensive homes. If you picked it up on MTV cribs or whatever (I’m old I don’t know) it’s not for outside. You just look really lazy and this country doesn’t need any more lazy.

What is with the cigarette behind the ear thing happening again? Will those same people soon be rolling them into their t-shirt sleeves and doing the greased pompadour thing? It came back when I was in high school and even at fifteen I knew it only looked cool in the 50s when everything was in black and white.

I don’t care if you have a Mercedes or a BMW. You didn’t pay for the right to drive like a moron. I like my life and I don’t want to have to watch you and whether you’re looking both ways and seeing that I have the walk signal. I swear I will take you for everything if you so much as touch my shoe.

Mitt Romney, President Obama, SHUT UP! Intelligent men of your age should not be so childish to attack each other. F&*k the Presidential debate, why don’t you two just meet at the damn flag after school and see who can kick each other’s ass. It’s ridiculous, it’s infantile and it needs to be over. Been going on for decades where because of the media we see this rhetoric. Neither of you deserves the job if you can’t show the maturity and growth this country needs so badly. We need peace in this country and this world and it starts with you. F&*k trickle down economics, we need trickle down style, class and coolness. I’m voting for you Mr. President, but the Hope and Change this time needs to be about how we act, how we all act, and you are the role model.


I feel better. Thank you. Tomorrow we return to our regularly scheduled program when I’m not bitter.