Water Cooler Talk Special Winter Edition

A special Friday edition of the Wednesday weekly Water Cooler Talk because, well, I felt like it. And it’s my blog.

I wrote a really long letter to Santa and all I got back was a credit card application with “Get Your Own” written  across the top.

Why don’t snowmen put their hats in front of them on the ground to collect tips for being motionless like those street performers who paint themselves to look like statues.

I still don’t get the allure of skiing, sledding seems to be the same basic motion and a hell of a lot cheaper.

I’m very excited about my new exhibit The Frozen Booger Collection where I carve busts of past presidents.

Why don’t they make left-handed shovels?

What if the Grinch had never given Christmas back?

Why do weathermen still act surprised when it’s cold in the winter?

Jack Frost NIPPING at your nose, Chestnuts ROASTING on an open fire, Winter’s really angry.



Water Cooler Talk 3-6-13

Weekly random thoughts. Since I’m self-employed it’s my version of water cooler talk: no one to talk to so it goes out to cyberspace. Please feel free to comment, it would be nice to talk to someone other than myself.

Why isn’t there a GoMommy to tell men they’re buying up too many websites.

Snow and going number two, same thing: You’re glad when that big dump is over.

Where would we be if it weren’t for Jacob Davis and Levi Strauss?

“The whole is greater than the sum of its parts” doesn’t really work for pie.

No wonder I have trouble relaxing. The phrase was always let your hair down and I haven’t been able to for at least fifteen years.

Am I the only one that when I see “Game of Thrones” I think of duck-duck-goose with toilets?

People blame increased violence in our society on video games, but A 17th century puppet show for children called Punch and Judy featured a puppet named Punch who always killed people. The act of killing brought him pleasure, so he felt pleased with himself afterwards. So it’s kind of been brewing.

Do alligators turn up their noses at Gatorade?

What would happen if the DMV and corporations that have call centers out-sourced traded their customer service employees?


Change In The Weather



Where’s your global warming now?

I’m torn between being thankful for where I live and wanting to be in the middle of the big snowstorm. You see there’s no extremes in Southern California. Heck there’s barely a fluctuation. Folks who’ve grown up here will tell you that there are seasons. Thppppt!

Nope, here it just stays the same. Near 70, almost always sunny, really pretty great. Today it rained but it doesn’t rain hard, just need an umbrella, not metal boots lest ye be blown down the street. I did hear a loud thunder, I think my first in three years. Woke me up in the middle of the night and I wondered if it was thunder, my dreaming or one of the off-shore oil rigs exploding. But there was another clap of thunder and I knew the execs at BP could rest easily.

But watching the reports of the oncoming Nemo blizzard in the East makes me think. First off, Nemo’s a cute little fish, why name a potentially catastrophic snowstorm after a cute little animated fish that has one fin smaller than the other?

I also think about the couple of big ass snowstorms I was present for in Chicago. The first one was in 1967. I don’t remember it because I was only five, and at that time five meant kindergarten that included a lot of naps and playing with trucks. There was no pre-school and therefore my cognitive memory behaviors had not been activate yet. There’s just a picture of me and my brother where the drifts on either side are bigger than us.

The next major one was 1978. This one I remember because we were on a confirmation retreat for St. Marcelline’s. I don’t remember what we did on the retreat, I just remember we got snowed in, the priests didn’t have anything planned for an extra day and a lot of the cool kids had snuck in booze. Which meant I was sober.

I do remember the snow coming home. I had a job shoveling the snow of the people across the street who had yet to move in. So ca-ching that week.

There would be many more storms. Lots of shoveling, lots of digging out cars, lots of helping people push their cars. Makes you appreciate life, makes you appreciate your neighbors. And it’s really cool to watch when it’s coming down and you just say “Well,I ain’t going anywhere.”


Let the Sunshine In



The temperatures have finally normalized in Southern California, reaching 80 degrees the last two days. Now before you move on to another blog in disgust, that’s not what this is about, so please bear with me.

It did help when the train was stuck for somewhere between 2 1/2 and 3 hours. We were able to get off and sit on the platform or just hang out on the train with the doors open. 80 degrees in January is not the same as the summer so it wasn’t hot, it was rather pleasant. I luckily had a book and an iPhone with a full charge to listen to music instead of all the complaining.

But it made me think about how people bond more in my old home of Chicago this time of year. There’s something that brings people closer together in the winter. When it’s super cold and the wind chill dips below 0 you think about an elderly neighbor and check up on them. If a friend of yours heat goes out you don’t think twice about offering them the floor to sleep on. (I mean come on, if you live in a studio with a futon couch, that’s all you have to offer.)

And of course, the biggest bond is the snow. Everyone becomes friendly neighbors when you get hit by a big snow, which doesn’t melt and then you get hit by a big snow again. Helping to dig someone out, throwing your coat on and braving the cold because someone’s trying to get down the street and their tires are spinning and not moving and of course, respecting the shoveled parking space marked by two folding chairs. People help each other more under these extreme circumstances without even needing a thank you. That can wait until the summer block party when you love everyone after 8 beers.

There’s not really an equivalent in Los Angeles. But while everyone was complaining about not being able to get anywhere, stuck at the same station, I was grateful for the beautiful weather and that I chose the 32GB iPhone over the 16GB.