I’ve always dreamt of being big and tall. The summer Between Freshman and Sophmore year in high school my mom said “you’ll shoot up.” Between Sophmore and Junior she said “you’ll shoot up.” Between Junior and Senior I said “Bite me.” (Not really, I love my mom.)
I ended up only 5’7″. The average height for a male is 5’10”, which means I’m the victim of getting patted on the head and always having to look up. One of my best buddies is 6’7″ so I basically feel like his ventriloquist dummy.
Maybe that’s why I ended up performing for children most of my life. I towered over them! They were tiny little villagers that I could stomp on with my Godzilla feet. It doesn’t hurt that kids are always sitting when I do a show, then I’m really tall. I love performing for schools because you get to go in the kid’s bathrooms and you feel like a giant in there as well.
Truth is, I’ve never had a problem being short. It allows me to be good at gymnastics and yoga. Clothes cost less. And so does food, you don’t need to eat as much. But I could have done without the bald thing.