Saturday Night Live aired its 40th Anniversary Special Sunday night, which I didn’t get to see until Monday.* Before I did, I saw a myriad of criticisms about the show and its lacking. I still liked the show, the haters didn’t ruin it for me. Why did they not just have fun?
I saw a story on Huffington Post that featured a Twitter fight between celebrities. I haven’t been able to find the story in my browser history to reproduce it here, but what struck me about it was all of the hashtags, retweets and abbreviations that proliferated this conversation really made humans look ridiculous. If observed by aliens. And if so, and they’ve been waiting, this might be the time where they blast us to oblivion because we just need to be “gotten rid of.”
I would imagine they would be monitoring our electronic signals from afar and so stuff like tweets and posts and OMG this blog! is what they’d see. They’d see that there’s not intelligent life here and they’d just put us out of our misery like a poor animal on its last leg. They probably couldn’t register any value in cute cat videos. They’d see that we can’t talk to each other in complete sentences, don’t want to talk to each other in person, yet don’t want to let each other be if we don’t agree. We have no respect for each other, so why should some alien show us any respect when this planet could be saved, cleaned, and used as a resort destination. There’s lots of water if someone just cleaned the pool.
But then I started to think, that’s with the assumption that the aliens are smarter.
Every science fiction movie makes aliens out to have superior intelligence, but do they? What if the aliens think we’re the cool kids. If they’re the little off-green shriveled creatures Spielberg made them out to be, they must be just biding they’re time until they can do something that makes Kim Kardashian smile. They’re the geeks just waiting and learning so they can say the right thing to impress the hot chick!
Hmm. Which way could it go? Personally I still think we can clean up the language, think a little bit more about what we’re saying and doing, and throw out the garbage. But what do I know I’m just trying to write funny stuff because women like a sense of humor. I’m after the hot chick too.
“Morning Phillip, how’s your first day?”
“Well it’s been a little odd, not waiting in line for coffee while I listen to everyone talking on their cell phones.”
“Yeah it takes some getting used to.”
“And not being able to check the headlines on my computer at work to see what Kim Kardashian did.”
“Yeah we don’t have those things here.”
“And then answering all kinds of emails, Facebook messages and Twitter tweets.”
“Yeah, sorry things run a little differently now.”
“Sorry? Are you kidding, this really is Heaven.”
Weekly random thoughts. Since I’m self-employed it’s my version of water cooler talk: no one to talk to so it goes out to cyberspace.
It seems like a Hero sandwich should contain less calories.
I wonder if the bird that went “cuckoo for cocoa puffs” ever got therapy or medication?
I’ll bet cacti have gentle souls.
I think it would be great, even if only for a day, if when someone took to Twitter the only thing that came out, for anyone, would be the real tweeting sound of a bird.
I wonder if aliens haven’t landed yet because they really were ‘little green men’ and they’re waiting for evolution to change that, since the surprise is ruined.
Late last night I read with a flashlight under my blanket, but without someone telling me to go to bed it was just really sad.
I’m so old I thought the World Cup was some kind of decorative holder for the globe.
The creators of the movie Frozen must be really glad they didn’t listen to the studios that wanted a beach theme.
Jesus must be mad like every kid whose birthday is Christmas.
I bet octopi hate that other animals think they should be more productive.
For years people have speculated on the existence of life on another planet in the Universe, and what it would be like if they visited Earth, would they be friend or foe. And I think they might be right under our nose. They are the young celebrities. Think about it. Just like all great science fiction movies, we think they’re cute and harmless and then they destroy the planet. The only thing is, how much time do we have?!
I’ve been trying to figure out why people are so fascinated with the celebrities that are famous for being celebrities. Why is Kim Kardashian so famous, admired and popular? Because she’s luring us in. As are Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus and a host of up and coming youngsters on YouTube who are endearing our young people, making them idolize and mimic the actions of these individual’s (and I use that term loosely) attitudes, style and dress and them KABLAM they take over the planet. They steal what little natural resources we have and fly off into outer space in the ships that are hidden in the basements of The Gap and Old Navy. If you don’t believe me about that fact, just tell me how many times you’ve asked the sales clerk if they had any more of your size than was on display and they said “they’d look in back” but always came up empty-handed? That’s because it’s sealed off and they know that, but any kid knows that any excuse to get off the sales floor is to be taken advantage of.
And look at what these celebrities and non-celebrities are famous for. First of all, they all have great gobs of money and jewelry and expensive cars and shoes and it’s like swinging a shiny object in front of the youth of America, thinking they can have it. It’s no accident that these talents (again I use the term loosely) have come along when the economy has been in poor condition. Second, they don’t stand for anything or seem to have a point of view so there you go, more of the population to attract to their web. And lastly, they are all masters of modern technology, social media and trending—and everyone knows from all sci-fi that the aliens might be shorter but they have far bigger brains and are really quite intelligent. Case in fact—the whole Miley Cyrus thing was to make it look like she was a crazy Twerker but it was just because there was so much about the NSA and the hacking of our privacy they wanted to make sure no one would dig where they shouldn’t.
Cause that’s how it’s gonna happen. Not with some giant lasers but from one single tweet. These folks have loosely based themselves on real talent because they know that people love stars and when they amass just the right amount of Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and blog followers, they’ll just know where to strike. And we’ll all stupidly open some link like we can’t resist a cat video and we’ll be lulled to sleep.
And they’ll be off with what’s left of valuable stuff here on planet Earth and we’ll be sitting on a big rock that’s got a little bit of mud and leftover Twinkies cause enough people hoarded them and they last forever.