The Beginning of Time Part One*


What would it be like to have lived at the beginning of time? With nothing to compare it to, how would you live your life?

Now first of all, you have to ask what you believe? Do you believe in the scientific explanation or do you skew towards the religious? Oh what the heck, it’s my blog so let’s take a look at both.

If you believe in science the universe is 13.8 billion years old, give or take 6-10 seconds after the big bang. It wasn’t like turning on a light bulb. Although it is believed that single cells began on Earth about 3.6 billion years ago, human beings, as we know them, emerged about 200, 000 years ago. So let’s start there because those other life forms didn’t really think about stuff. You think the Dinosaurs journaled? No.

So you’re the first human being that evolved from a primate. Don’t know how you figured it out but let’s suppose that something just snapped, no maybe revved up, in your brain and suddenly the things you did an hour ago just weren’t right—no more masturbating in public and throwing your feces. Nope, you were going to save that for the privacy of your cave. It’s dark, no one will see you.

Aright. So you stand up straight and man does that feel good on your back. Like any high school graduate, you don’t know if you want to hang out with your old friends, you just don’t have anything in common with them anymore. What’d you do? Logical choice is to move, wander, find out if you’re the only one.

What must that have been like? No one to tell you how you should behave, no one to tell you what to think, no one to tell you that it’s pronounced ketchup and not catsup? All you have before you is potential. Yes, your hair’s falling out, all over, but hey it will make you look individual—the way you feel. Instead of merely foraging for food and defending yourself, you stop and smell the roses. Well at least you think they’re roses—in fact, yes, you just named them roses. Wow that R feels good in my mouth instead of just screeching and ugghing. This is gonna be great!  Freedom. Exploration. Discovery.

Wait, why are all the other beasts chasing me? Didn’t they like the name roses?  Oh crap.


*Part Two Thursday, March 13, 2014

State of the Universe


My fellow Alive Things.

God here. The time has come for me to speak to you about the current status of Earth and the far reaching Universe around it. Number one, you all are messing it up. For those of you that don’t believe everything is connected, stop. It is. Take my word for it cause I made everything.

So let’s just proceed with that being a given and listen good. You need to stop polluting. And I don’t just mean with your emissions and gases and hair spray and pesticides. I mean with your words and your deeds and your thoughts. You think you all are in trouble because of stress? Just imagine the therapist that your planet could use right now? Can you imagine the Zanax pill Mother Earth needs to take in order to cope with all of your craziness? Give her a break. Just like your teachers gave you “time-outs” as young children, take a time-out right now. Stop talking about each other, slinging rumors about each other and making it more of a headline to slip a nip than it is to do something for someone else.

And don’t think that I’m not talking about the chemical pollution as well. Some of you are going to have to bite the bullet and just live on that $20 million this year and not get a bonus. Some will have to cram the kids into a hybrid instead of a big wasteful mini-van. And many of you, dare I say most of you, will have to remember what things I put on that planet for you to use as food and use those legs you’ve been given to work off that fat. If you don’t understand how that’s connected to global warming, just give a quick read to the ingredients panel on that bag of chips.

You see what you do does reach everywhere else. And if you don’t want to take my word for it, keep it up. And your future will look more like the Terminator and less like E.T.

Up to you, you still have free will.