Computers Taking Over the World…Not Yet

Don’t Be Afraid Yet
Courtesy of http://www.clipart.com

 

Science fiction has been predicting for many years that computers will eventually learn to “think” and will take over the world. I saw War Games in the 80s. I was there for the Y2K rumors. So far we’re safe, and if my phone and laptop are any indication, we’re not in any danger.

I don’t really think they stand a chance when they don’t know where they are and they don’t know what the weather is going to be like. I spent a lot of time on the bus this summer and was constantly amused by my GPS. There is a function in it that can map out the public transportation routes with times and directions. I just had to laugh when the map would say “…has arrived” and there I was, still sitting on the bus listening to someone talking too loud on their cell phone next to me. This system is built on satellites or they wouldn’t even know when the bus could possibly arrive, so how are the computers going to take over the world when they’ll miss their target? They’ll be shooting for the UN and end up at McD’s. After hours. Talking to the box.

And the change in the weather. I was talking to my mom and she was asking about the weather, we’re supposed to get some of those 90s for the next few days. So I went to look at the weather site and it said it was 77 degrees. Ok. But. It also said that it would be 90. In fourteen minutes! So I says to mom how can someone not know to change this, she says dad says they’re all on computers, so why couldn’t the computer just interpret the change and adjust accordingly? To my first-hand knowledge, spilling coffee on your laptop keyboard fries it; so how are the computers going to take over the world if they decide to attack…and it rains? They’re all not R2D2 that could whip out an umbrella ala a light saber. They’ll all just be laying there out in the street, like a bunch of beer cans after a big concert.

So rest assured good humans we are safe. But they are getting smarter, more useful and a bigger part of our daily lives every day. So while they’re still our “pets” let’s take care of them. And eat breakfast somewhere else. And stop talking to them. They might be listening.

 

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Weathermen are Weird

Let me being this post by saying I didn’t know if I should say Weatherperson. But I don’t remember hearing that word and having spent the last twenty something years in the performing arts and having actresses and comediennes change and prefer to be called actors and comedians, and not be separated, I thought I would leave it. But I do want you all to know I’m going to make fun of both.

The inspiration for this post began as many; at the laundromat. That’s where I see the ridiculous and the characters. Both these adjectives were fully realized in the form of the Sunday afternoon Weatherman on ABC in Los Angeles. I did not get his name since the sound was not on. I don’t think it would have been entertaining if the sound had been on.

Put On Your Dancing Shoes

This gentleman brought the weather to life with some fancy dance moves and the skills of a pantomime artist. This was the only time I’ve been entertained by a mime, again mainly because the audio was off and he wasn’t doing it on purpose. But this guy gestured, lunged, moved his arm in a sweeping arc, with great vigor and expressive body movement, all to explain the weather forecast for the next few days. Since that forecast here in Southern California is for the weather that most of the country has had for record breaking days and weeks, in the 90s and very humid, I don’t know what he was doing other than an interpretive dance devoted to “heat.”

Where does this man’s passion come from, for the weather? Was he a sick child who had to sit inside and just look out the window; so this is all he dreamed of, talking about the weather? I admire his enthusiasm, but is it helpful? Again the sound was off so I don’t know what he was saying. It made me try and remember what they did before these screens with the changing weather maps and there’s lots of pointing and gesturing. They are the only ones on a newscast that are visible below the belly button, so is movement training part of the meteorological degree program? Or perhaps the news and sports reporters are dancing like crazy under the desk! It can’t be any worse than the morning news programs in major cities that try to be “light and fun.” Take it from someone who studied, trained and has performed comedy for thirty years: they should stop trying to be funny.

The Barbie Dolls

Now I don’t really like lumping and stereotyping women together, cause I looove women, but the weather girls are really all the same: pretty and perky and plastic looking. I call them girls because it’s almost as if the producers don’t want them to be smart. They just smile and giggle and talk about the weather as if a day of snow, sub-zero temperatures and dangerous sleeting ice is “like the funnest thing ever.”

I would so like to see a woman who looked like Roseanne, chomping gum and saying, “it’s gonna be hot, it’s gonna suck, stay in the AC and watch Netflix.”

The truth would be refreshing. They should say things like “we hope” or “we think” because the weather is unpredictable as any one who has ever studied physics knows. The dancing man and the glossy girl still make most people say “those guys don’t know a thing” and go back to the age old method of opening the door and looking outside.