Water Cooler Talk 2-27-12

Weekly random thoughts. Since I’m self-employed it’s my version of water cooler talk: no one to talk to so it goes out to cyberspace. Please feel free to comment, it would be nice to talk to someone other than myself.

I was walking along when a fence opened and a dog popped out, on a leash, followed by his owner, who didn’t realize I was there and couldn’t stop the dog from barking and jumping at me. The owner scolded the dog, “You don’t do that!”

Apparently he does.

Alternate punch lines:  Apparently he doesn’t know that.  Apparently he didn’t get the memo.

Facebook needs a spin-off called Grudgebook where everyone just b*#ches about their lives. That way the rest of us don’t have to be bummed out.

Every award nominated actress who has great legs with nice muscle tone should wear a gown with the slit to show off said leg(s).

What if everyone had little paddles like they use at auctions, and they had emoticons on them that could be held up to express their feelings? There’s been so many times I couldn’t quite tell what a person was thinking.

How come there’s no pizza-flavored cream cheese, pizza bagels are so big.

I’m surprised no one’s thought of this: corrective mirrors for those of use that shave right out of the shower before we put or contacts in.

The wind chill is big in the winter, but you never hear about its effects in the summer.

7-11 once had a slogan “Thank Heaven for 7-11.” Did that just get old or did atheists shut it down?

When I was a kid they had these small metal toys that you pushed on them and a couple of seconds later they jumped. They were only like 10 cents. What if cigarette manufacturers put those mechanisms into cigarettes so they hopped back into cars when the drivers toss them out of the window.

Well, I retract my post from Monday. Huffington Post was right, I’m still distracted by the thought of Anne Hathaway’s nipples. 🙂

How To Watch the Oscars

 

It’s a little late, but you’re prepared for next year: the best way to watch the Oscars is online. This way you can put it in a different tab, work on something else, and when you hear that some celebrity or something interesting is introduced-BOOM, it’s right there!

Now I’m actually kind of a fan, just because of my love of movies, writing and my desire to either one day win an award or host the show. My method of viewing is inspired by the fact that I don’t have television and if I did, I probably would have watched the entire broadcast on the couch with a bag of chips. But I don’t have a TV and I had work to do. A blessing in disguise.

This way I could watch the opening and make my own review of Seth McFarlane*, switch tabs when Jennifer Garner and Jessica Chastain were presenting**, and check out some of the musical numbers. I got to hear who won all the awards and see the ones I wanted to see. Christoph Austrian Guy What’s His Name was very charming. Anne Hathaway** was really sweet. And the dude that won for Cinematography for Life of Pi should cut his hair.

Ok, so now here’s the problem with watching online-it wasn’t official. It was one of many bootlegs I found listed that were 90% scams. And the connection went dead about half way through. So what did I do. I panicked…not. I turned on music and read the news a couple of hours later to see who won. I’m sure Daniel Day Lewis was eloquent..blah blah blah,

Now here’s the crazy thing.

THE OSCARS ARE ON HULU TODAY!

Yep, now you can see them for free and watch their ads. Why couldn’t they do that last night? The Superbowl did it, so another Giant of Viewership has already treaded that territory. By coincidence my dad and I were talking yesterday afternoon about the fact that some shows are online and some not. Who decides?  The movies are already embracing change and releasing films on DVD and iTunes the same time they hit theaters. What’s wrong with TV? Do they always have to be backwards? Aren’t they already embarrassed by the fact that no TV show has every really made a good movie. (I know you’ll find some, I just thought of The Simpsons, but go with the joke.)

If anyone knows why things aren’t shown online, please let me know. I’m a naturally nosy  curious person.

And now for some random thoughts.

*Who really didn’t think Seth McFarlane wasn’t going to say something in bad taste? HE’S BEHIND FAMILY GUY. I liked it that he sang but he’s just not been on stage long enough to know how to do it well. Is it true, like he said, that he was chosen after a lot of other tries?

**um, yummy. And the Huffington Post today declared “Anne Hathaway ‘Nipples’ On The Oscars Red Carpet Are Super Distracting.” I couldn’t find if a man or woman wrote that, but I believe that depends on your point of view. Again, yummy.

Why did the orchestra have to be in the Capitol building?  Knowing musicians as I do, I can only guess that they didn’t want them to eat all of the craft services catering. Seriously it would have helped the performers out a whole lot.

Come on, ABC, next year let’s see ’em live!

A Conversation Between Angels XXX

“Good Morning Father.”

“Good morning my Son.”

“Are you glad it’s Sunday?”

“You know, I thought I would just sit and read the paper and then I see the accusations that La Repubblica made against The Vatican.”

“I was kind of hoping you’d missed that Dad, you’re always so busy.”

“It’s really hard to get good help these days. Benedict’s making us look bad and nobody’s denying it. Why did I bother even writing the commandments? Might as well just have written a trashy novel-at least more people would have read it.”

“Do you think it’s maybe time for me to go back?”

“Son, I know you keep talking about wanting to show Rihanna and Lindsay Lohan the Way but you know I’m the One behind the whole Adam and Eve apple thing so I know what you’re really thinking.”

“Dadddd.”

“Besides, they really haven’t hit bottom yet.”

Please Tie Your Shoes

There’s been a fad for a number of years of not tying your gym shoes all the way, sometimes not at all. What’s wrong with me? Mine fall off when I do that.

I have little feet. So maybe it’s just something that us small-hooved aren’t allowed to do. Isn’t there a way around that? Isn’t there some kind of insole that I can use?

Please I want to look cool. I saw this photo of Josh Duhamel at the fancy premiere of his latest movie with the (grrrrr) lovely Julianne Hough. Look how cool he looks, at 40, with his pants tucked into the tongue of his high tops? You can only do that if they’re loosened.

Come on, I want to get the “respect” of my fellow Angelenos when I ride the rail. Won’t someone help me.

Not Even Trying

They’re not even trying and they’re funny. Lush, drought-tolerant plants (at the end.) is it just me that gets a big giggle out of that?