Water Cooler Talk 2-27-12

Weekly random thoughts. Since I’m self-employed it’s my version of water cooler talk: no one to talk to so it goes out to cyberspace. Please feel free to comment, it would be nice to talk to someone other than myself.

I was walking along when a fence opened and a dog popped out, on a leash, followed by his owner, who didn’t realize I was there and couldn’t stop the dog from barking and jumping at me. The owner scolded the dog, “You don’t do that!”

Apparently he does.

Alternate punch lines:  Apparently he doesn’t know that.  Apparently he didn’t get the memo.

Facebook needs a spin-off called Grudgebook where everyone just b*#ches about their lives. That way the rest of us don’t have to be bummed out.

Every award nominated actress who has great legs with nice muscle tone should wear a gown with the slit to show off said leg(s).

What if everyone had little paddles like they use at auctions, and they had emoticons on them that could be held up to express their feelings? There’s been so many times I couldn’t quite tell what a person was thinking.

How come there’s no pizza-flavored cream cheese, pizza bagels are so big.

I’m surprised no one’s thought of this: corrective mirrors for those of use that shave right out of the shower before we put or contacts in.

The wind chill is big in the winter, but you never hear about its effects in the summer.

7-11 once had a slogan “Thank Heaven for 7-11.” Did that just get old or did atheists shut it down?

When I was a kid they had these small metal toys that you pushed on them and a couple of seconds later they jumped. They were only like 10 cents. What if cigarette manufacturers put those mechanisms into cigarettes so they hopped back into cars when the drivers toss them out of the window.

Well, I retract my post from Monday. Huffington Post was right, I’m still distracted by the thought of Anne Hathaway’s nipples. 🙂

How To Watch the Oscars

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It’s a little late, but you’re prepared for next year: the best way to watch the Oscars is online. This way you can put it in a different tab, work on something else, and when you hear that some celebrity or something interesting is introduced-BOOM, it’s right there!

Now I’m actually kind of a fan, just because of my love of movies, writing and my desire to either one day win an award or host the show. My method of viewing is inspired by the fact that I don’t have television and if I did, I probably would have watched the entire broadcast on the couch with a bag of chips. But I don’t have a TV and I had work to do. A blessing in disguise.

This way I could watch the opening and make my own review of Seth McFarlane*, switch tabs when Jennifer Garner and Jessica Chastain were presenting**, and check out some of the musical numbers. I got to hear who won all the awards and see the ones I wanted to see. Christoph Austrian Guy What’s His Name was very charming. Anne Hathaway** was really sweet. And the dude that won for Cinematography for Life of Pi should cut his hair.

Ok, so now here’s the problem with watching online-it wasn’t official. It was one of many bootlegs I found listed that were 90% scams. And the connection went dead about half way through. So what did I do. I panicked…not. I turned on music and read the news a couple of hours later to see who won. I’m sure Daniel Day Lewis was eloquent..blah blah blah,

Now here’s the crazy thing.

THE OSCARS ARE ON HULU TODAY!

Yep, now you can see them for free and watch their ads. Why couldn’t they do that last night? The Superbowl did it, so another Giant of Viewership has already treaded that territory. By coincidence my dad and I were talking yesterday afternoon about the fact that some shows are online and some not. Who decides?  The movies are already embracing change and releasing films on DVD and iTunes the same time they hit theaters. What’s wrong with TV? Do they always have to be backwards? Aren’t they already embarrassed by the fact that no TV show has every really made a good movie. (I know you’ll find some, I just thought of The Simpsons, but go with the joke.)

If anyone knows why things aren’t shown online, please let me know. I’m a naturally nosy  curious person.

And now for some random thoughts.

*Who really didn’t think Seth McFarlane wasn’t going to say something in bad taste? HE’S BEHIND FAMILY GUY. I liked it that he sang but he’s just not been on stage long enough to know how to do it well. Is it true, like he said, that he was chosen after a lot of other tries?

**um, yummy. And the Huffington Post today declared “Anne Hathaway ‘Nipples’ On The Oscars Red Carpet Are Super Distracting.” I couldn’t find if a man or woman wrote that, but I believe that depends on your point of view. Again, yummy.

Why did the orchestra have to be in the Capitol building?  Knowing musicians as I do, I can only guess that they didn’t want them to eat all of the craft services catering. Seriously it would have helped the performers out a whole lot.

Come on, ABC, next year let’s see ’em live!

A Conversation Between Angels XXX

“Good Morning Father.”

“Good morning my Son.”

“Are you glad it’s Sunday?”

“You know, I thought I would just sit and read the paper and then I see the accusations that La Repubblica made against The Vatican.”

“I was kind of hoping you’d missed that Dad, you’re always so busy.”

“It’s really hard to get good help these days. Benedict’s making us look bad and nobody’s denying it. Why did I bother even writing the commandments? Might as well just have written a trashy novel-at least more people would have read it.”

“Do you think it’s maybe time for me to go back?”

“Son, I know you keep talking about wanting to show Rihanna and Lindsay Lohan the Way but you know I’m the One behind the whole Adam and Eve apple thing so I know what you’re really thinking.”

“Dadddd.”

“Besides, they really haven’t hit bottom yet.”

Please Tie Your Shoes

There’s been a fad for a number of years of not tying your gym shoes all the way, sometimes not at all. What’s wrong with me? Mine fall off when I do that.

I have little feet. So maybe it’s just something that us small-hooved aren’t allowed to do. Isn’t there a way around that? Isn’t there some kind of insole that I can use?

Please I want to look cool. I saw this photo of Josh Duhamel at the fancy premiere of his latest movie with the (grrrrr) lovely Julianne Hough. Look how cool he looks, at 40, with his pants tucked into the tongue of his high tops? You can only do that if they’re loosened.

Come on, I want to get the “respect” of my fellow Angelenos when I ride the rail. Won’t someone help me.

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All Night Long

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I’ve been pulling some late nights lately, even going so far as an all-nighter last night, in an effort to finish a web site. I never went to college so the only all-nighters I had were when I had a really great gig and we just went partying afterwards. But it’s different when you’re sober.

Shhh.

I find myself being very conscious of my neighbors and the noise level. Not that I really need to, there’s a bunch of neighbors in a multi-dwelling such as this that have late night parties as well as their friends just yelling down the gangway so they’ll open up the door. We seem to have a gangway constructed by sound engineers for football games because I can hear the voices from the street the way a shotgun microphone will pick up a quarterback’s signals.

But I do try to be respectful and since the majority of the people seem to work normal hours I try not to wake anyone up. So this means playing music very quietly. Now for someone like me that can’t tolerate too much caffeine, it’s a little frustrating because I would like to have my favorite tunes on to keep my “jamming.” Now before you say it, I have this unusual fear that someone will sneak up on me if I have my earphones in late at night. Don’t know why, just do.

It is pretty nice working when everyone else, for the most part, is in slumber-land. The lack of any traffic noises makes it very peaceful and you feel like you’re doing more than the average person. You’re putting in that hundred and ten percent.

Of course that completely goes away the next morning when you eventually fall asleep at ten a.m. and strangely are able to sleep through all the normal daytime sounds.

Weekly Water Cooler Talk 2-20-13

Weekly random thoughts. Since I’m self-employed it’s my version of water cooler talk: no one to talk to so it goes out to cyberspace. Please feel free to comment, it would be nice to talk to someone other than myself.

Physicists expect the sun to burn out in 4.5 billion years or so, and expand, likely engulfing Earth in the process. Might as well spend that IRA.

or

Physicists expect the sun to burn out in 4.5 billion years or so, and expand, likely engulfing Earth in the process. Guess it’s time for that will.

or

Physicists expect the sun to burn out in 4.5 billion years or so, and expand, likely engulfing Earth in the process. So everybody in the pool.

In the case of the question of which came first, the chicken or the egg, did anyone ever question the rooster?

Franklin Roosevelt famously said “we have nothing to fear but fear itself.” That was before the Internet and cable news, there’s some messed up people out there.

Change is good. Starting over might be better.

So many of the bands from my teenage years have reunited for big tours. Come on Brady Kids.

The people at Carnation lied. The only real instant breakfast is a piece of fruit.

Was the person that invented paintball seeking revenge for a frustrated career as an artist?

If God had enough money to afford pearly gates, how come his son had to be born in a manger.